Any good jokes ????

[goti71]

I hope I haven't posted one before.

The parable of the clever son.
An old man lying on his deathbed summoned his three sons.

“I will give each of you a penny, my children,” he said in a trembling voice. “The one who can buy something to fill the whole house with will inherit my house and all my possessions.”

The first son went out and bought a bale of hay but the hay was barely enough to fill even the smallest room.

The second son went out and bought a cart-full of feathers but the feathers were barely enough to fill a second room.

Then the third son went out and bought a little candle.

“A candle?” laughed his brothers, “What a fool”.
But when he lit the little candle, the house filled with light and the two brothers were amazed.

Proletariat version:

Wait! I’m in this too!” said the fourth illegitimate son, bursting into the room.

“Go back to the stables, Bastard! You have lots of work to do!” said the brothers.

But then the bastard son let out a long, intense fart, which filled the whole house instantly.
“There,” he said. “And that was for free. Who’s the bastard now, then?”

[Dia bando]

A young lady goes to the doctors doctor I am have discharge he says drop your knickers get on the table he gives her a good internal exam he says how does that feel Marvelous but the discharge is coming out of my ears.

[Master]

"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day."

[walrus]

"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day."

Ha ha

[Master]

The guy that invented predictive text died and his funeral is on monkey.

I had reoccurring dream once.

I got a neck brace and have never looked back.

[smashup]

I've recently joined a Reggae band, I play the triangle.
I don't do much apart from stand at de back an ting...

[Dark Lord Al]

Paddy and Murphy on a building site ,
Paddy says " I want a day off on the sick , I'm going to pretend I'm mad"
So he climbs up to the rafters and hangs upside down and shouts "
I'm a lightbulb ! I'm a lightbulb !"
The foreman shouts " Paddy your fucking mad go home"
So he leaves the site and goes home for the day.
So Murphy packs away his tools to leave as well.
The foreman says " where do you think you are going ? "
Murphy says " Well I cant work in the fucking dark can I ? "

[Alpha]

Her: I hate when a motherf-cker a soon sh-t

Me: When they what...

Her: A soon sh-t without knowing all the facts