Here is one I got from some bloke in 'Exeter' today: "You have said yourself that you have no friends and that you stay in. There is absolutely no evidence that you have ever held down a job and all we really know is that you tell us how your Mrs makes more money than you and youspendmonths doing nowt"
Oh how my sides split!
Shall I break it down point by point?
1. I have friends. Friends all over the world in fact and in many a city, but do I spend my weekends boozing it up like in the old days? Well, frankly no. That would be reckless, but do I pop out for a coffee a couple of times a week or go out for a meal when I and others have time, then yes, I must confess that this can occasionally happen.
2. Okay, you got me there. As I approach middle age, my secret is out. I have never, ever in my life held down a job. Never. I am obviously the recipient of a trust fund and use the tormented child angle to cover up the truth which is that I am a dandy with a fetish for tailored clothing and fine diction.
3. Yes, indeed. Having never held down a job I spend months and months doing 'nowt'. I will occasionally pluck my eyebrows, experiment with new hair partings, and of course drink tea at home all day which my accuser would never do.
4. Indeed, too. I do not believe that there is any gender discrimination at work in the developed world thus reducing feminism to zero. But of course this is deflection too as I am gay and would never dream of associating with a woman.
I hope this clears everything up.
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