Any good jokes ????

[X]

[goti71]

My mum ran a tarot card and tea leaf reading service. It was called Play your cards right with brews foresight.

[goti71]

I woke up this morning with a bit of a hangover. The alarm clock went off at about ten and the snooze button wouldn't work. I tried flipping the off switch but the thing just kept on beeping persistently. Utter agony for my brain.
So I grabbed it in my hand, stumbled over to to the kitchen and smashed it on the floor; Still it went on beeping like mad. I picked the damn thing up, examined it, and smashed it down on the floor again, and again, and again. Then I woke up, relieved to see that my precious alarm clock was still in one piece

[Master]

A young local lad called Callum has been breaking into houses and doing his laundry whilst residents are away. As if this wasn't bad enough, he has been overloading drums, leaving stuff in the pockets and selecting completely inappropriate cycles - sometimes going so far as washing mixed cottons on a delicates cycle.

Myself and a few others have had enough of this and lay in wait for Callum last night. We caught him red-handed and, I can't go into detail for legal reasons but, suffice to say, he has left the area for good now.

We can all sleep soundly in the sure knowledge that washing machines live longer with Cal gone.

[Dia bando]

Jake goes to the doctor he tells him he's lost interest in sex doctor ask how old are you Jake says 82 the wife is 79 doctor asks him when did you lose interest twice last night and once this morning.😂

[NoSavingByTheBell]

Why do Jews and Armenians have such big noses?

Because the air is free.

[NoSavingByTheBell]

A Jewish rabbi, an Italian priest and an Egyptian imam are all talking about how generous they are. The Italian priest says: Im so generous, I draw a circle on the ground and throw all my money up in the air, and whatever comes back down INSIDE the circle, I give to God!

The Egyptian imam says: Fuck that. Im WAY more generous than you. I draw a big circle on the ground, throw up all my money, and whatever comes back down OUTSIDE the circle, I give it to God!

The rabbi says: Im so generous, I draw a huge circle on the ground and throw all my money up in the air, and whatever comes back down, I give to God!