But rest assured, O my brothers. X is here and he will save you with his scientific expertise.

I have already proven, as many of you will know, that Covid exists and can be isolated and that it can be caught through the air and from surfaces. This you well know from another thread (bow before my brilliance, you simplistic amoebas!)

I will now turn the laser focus of my gaze upon Santa. My piercing and stern scientific rigour is like the Eye of Mordor. Except it looks less like a penis.

I found an unwashed man just before Christmas shouting on a street corner and drinking Tennans Extra. He said that he was Santa Claus when i asked him what he was doing and why he appeared to have soiled himself while lying on his bench.

He is now also in my garage. He has been there for some months now so is nearly thin enough to fit through my sieve.

He s completely isolatd in there, and once i can pass him through my sieve to ensure any extraneous contamination is removed, i am going to see if you can catch Santa (or parts of him) through the air or from a surface.

Rest assured, my brethren ..... the scienc of X will resolve this and many other questions for you. Fear not.