Joke

[Lords Gym]

The Irish had a press conferance to announce there attempt to land a man on the Sun The scribes started laugthing and said theyed get burned to death. they replied we thought of that so were going at night

Fantastic !

[Lords Gym]

enjoyed those. hehe

[Lords Gym]

The Wino

A homeless wino passes out in the street next to a gay bar. That night one of the bar's patrons leaves the bar and sees the wino asleep on the street. He rolls the wino over, has his way with him and slips a $10 bill in his pocket. In the morning the wino wakes up, finds the $10, and heads for the local liquor store. He goes inside and asks the clerk "Give me $10 worth of your cheapest wine." The clerk hands him a bottle, the wino leaves and resumes his position on the street. That night the same man leaves the gay bar, only to find the wino passed out on the street again. He rolls the wino over, has his way with him and slips a $10 bill in his pocket. In the morning the wino wakes up, finds the $10, and heads for the local liquor store. He goes inside and asks the clerk "Give me $10 worth of your cheapest wine." The clerk hands him a bottle, the wino leaves and resumes his position on the street. That night the man and 3 of his friends leave the gay bar. They see the wino and decide to share. They take turns rolling the wino over and having their way with him. Each of them leaves a $10 bill in the wino's pocket. In the morning the wino wakes up sees the $40 and heads to the liquor store. The clerk says "Let me guess, $40 worth of our cheapest wine?" "No" said the wino, "Give me whiskey. That wine is tearing me ass up."

[Lords Gym]

Seeing Eye Dog

A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog . They come to a busy intersection and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of the traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down. The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog.

A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!" The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick him square in the ass."

[Lords Gym]

The Maid

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers. The guy says, " Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answers the woman

"We don't have a maid," says the man.

The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house."

The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

The woman replies, "She is upstairs in bed with someone who I figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

The maid says, "What will I have to do?"

The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot her and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and the 2 gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."

After a long pause the man says, "Is this 832-4821?"

[Lords Gym]

Turner Brown

A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he noticed a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black guy looked down upon the small white guy and said, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."

The small guy fainted!!

The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to, slapping his face and shaking him. He asked the small white guy, "What's wrong?"

Our petite friend said, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"

The black giant looked down and repeated, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown"

The white guy sighed, "Oh, thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around!!'"

[Rotten Apple]

Top Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend\'s Parents...

10. Can I pull my car in your garage? I\'m not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.

9. There ain\'t nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative!

8. Nice place you got here. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn\'t it?

7. Your daughter is so pretty I\'ve decided to give up being a porn star just for her.

6. Those home pregnancy kits aren\'t very reliable in my opinion.

5. We\'re going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.

4. Can you believe it! Those shit heads at the corner market won\'t cash my welfare check!

3. Which one of you taught her to give such great head?

2. I been shot 4 different times, sir. How about you?

1. My parole officer thinks your daughter has a calming effect on me.

[Lords Gym]

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?










































"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

drum roll bada bing... LOL

[Lords Gym]

this is one of me fav's

Snail

A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. The snail says, "What the fuck was that all about?"

[Lords Gym]

Pakistani Sandals

A married couple were on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

>From inside they heard a gentleman with a heavy Pakistani accent call to them in English, "You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." So the couple walked in.

The Pakistani said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you will be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani replied, "Just try them on." Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years. raw sexual power.

In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy's pants, while the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVING THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!"

[amat]

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"

"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."

"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!"

"Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!"
The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"

"Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!"

The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?"

The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!"

"Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!"

"Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

[Lords Gym]

What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.

[bigragu]

.....I call them worthless....or Eminem either one fits

yeah...shady...douchebags....future statistics....and fry guys..as in "You want fries wit dat"..I think that is proper dumbass speech..

[Lords Gym]

What do Tornadoes and Marriage have in common ?





































They both start with lots of sucking and blowing, and end with you losing your house.

[Lords Gym]

'Was your wife a virgin when you married?'

'I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.'




What did the german clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick, tick'?

'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'