Thanks Lords - I'm not usually good at come backs either but thought this one was good. It's a true story.

My flatmate is an ex army guy who is now a heavy smoker. He decided to go for a run with me to try to get back into shape. He could remember how well he used to run but couldn't keep it up. He coughed so hard he gave himself hemorrhoids.

One day he was paying me out about all the "running" I did to relieve stress inferring that my stress relief was actually sex.

I told him at least my 'running' didn't give me haemorrhoid's.