my best man speech is approaching - help

[Mark TKO]

cheers for all the input a few months ago but its now four weeks off and I'm shitting bricks

Anyone got any more ideas or newer jokes I can use

ta

[Kel]

cheers for all the input a few months ago but its now four weeks off and I'm shitting bricks

Anyone got any more ideas or newer jokes I can use

ta

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced
No! ignore that one........

Married life is full of excitement and frustration :
- In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
- In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
- In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.



A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK.

"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love".
The old man replied, "I thought so ... would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window ... they're choking my ducks!"



Some stuff there. Good luck with it mate, I would seriously be shitting myself in the same shoes you just have to make it funny but not offensive or dirty (which is hard alone). If you need a bit of Dutch courage have ONE double shot of whisky just before. No more no less, just to settle you.

[beds]

you'll prob be like that fella on the bt broakband advert

[Memphis]

In light of recent events a good opener might be "Hello everyone, Im Mark and I am NOT a paedophile"

[Mark TKO]

cheers guys - some good stuff there Kel, ta (funnily enough the guy getting married goes by the name of Kel - his surname's Kelly)


may go for that one Memphis - everyone will know by the time the day arrives !

[PunchDrunkHighOn_?]

Please record it mate I'd love to see it

I've always wondered if your delivery was on a par with your outstanding material

[BIG H]

Shit loads of example speeches here mate

http://www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/examples/index.asp

[Mark TKO]

cheers fella