I've found love with a fly

[Kev]

Ok last night I was watching a film in bed and this F****** fly kept walking across my damn screen.

I twatted him away around a thousand times but the little bastad moves too fast.

Then he started landing on me, and I literally couldn't get away from him.

All night he kept landing on my head and this morning I lay in bed with the covers down to my belly button and the little f***** kept landing on me.

When I went into the kitchen he followed me and now as I type this post he is perched on top of my monitor

I've given up trying to kill him, he seems to be friendly. Just hoping a spider or something catches him soon cos I aint quick enough

[USA LOVES THE KLITSCHKOS]

get some raid

[BoxingGorilla]

Tsetse.

[USA LOVES THE KLITSCHKOS]

Tsetse.

probably a bot fly

[X]

Pull one of its wings off (only one of them) .... then amuse yourself for hours by stalking it with your finger and watching it attempt to take off.

Hours of fun.

If you're handy with a pin, you can also blind it and then shout at it, to watch it panic

[No Contest]

I didnt know what to expect in this thread after that beastiality post.
Rent that movie "the Fly" it would be a good date flick for you two.

[Andre]

Australia isnt for you.
Heres the tried and tested approach for the fly kill ,bend and load up the middle finger with the thumb,move real slow with that hand towards them and then Flick them just before they bend their legs to jump off.
Gets black flies down and spinning 7 out 10 if your good.
MArch flys and blowies 9 out 10
Then do as X states.
Funny shit X.hahaha

[donnydarkoIRL]

Or hack off both wings and make a walk

[SalTheButcher]

Ok last night I was watching a film in bed and this F****** fly kept walking across my damn screen.

I twatted him away around a thousand times but the little bastad moves too fast.

Then he started landing on me, and I literally couldn't get away from him.

All night he kept landing on my head and this morning I lay in bed with the covers down to my belly button and the little f***** kept landing on me.

When I went into the kitchen he followed me and now as I type this post he is perched on top of my monitor

I've given up trying to kill him, he seems to be friendly. Just hoping a spider or something catches him soon cos I aint quick enough

there is a trick to killing ANY fly with one try, it works 100% of the time if done right

i came up with this like a year or two ago and its works perfectly

---


get a book or magazine, the bigger it is the better it will work, and if it maintains its shape, like a book rather then a magazine it will be easier


get close to the fly, and balance the book on your hand horizontally, as if your hand is a table


arch the book upwards slightly


move the book upwards about 2 feet away from the fly until the book is positioned in a wat that if you turn it vertically the fly will be just in the middle



put the book as vertical as you can without it dropping off your hand, and without using another hand to support



move it towards the fly VERY slowly, until you are about 10 inches away



slam that motherfucker directly into the fly


done deal pal

[donnydarkoIRL]

Alternatively, my brother (a potential pyromaniac,) uses an aerosol and a lighter.

[Punisher136]

A good flyswatter (the plastic square ones with metal handles) works the best. All you have to do is sneak up on it, focus enough so that you're 100% certain you're gonna hit it, and then slam it right on the fly. I break any plastic ones that i use in one swat but the thin metal handled ones can be swung as hard as you are capable of.

[Gandalf]

You should declare your love for the fly and declare that you will love it for all eternity.

After all...its what most flies expect from life.

[boozeboxer]

If Bilbo hasn't killed him by now,,,,,,,he has maggots.

[Kev]

lol guys thanks for the replies and the help.

I couldn't kill him as he spent all of his time on my monitor screen so I obviously couldn't twat him for fear of damaging my lovely 24 in screen.

When I left the room he followed me and buzzed around but didn't land on anything for me to be able to finish him.

After 3 days I even got a little attached to him. I live alone so the fly was still (marginally) better than no company at all and he wasn't doing any harm.

A couple days ago though I stopped seeing him I don't know how long flies live for but guessing he died of natural causes if he didn't go out the window.

I called him Stanley, don't know where he is now but I hope he's happy. If he's dead I hope he went to a better place, most likely my hoover bag.

[Wayne]

Ok last night I was watching a film in bed and this F****** fly kept walking across my damn screen.

I twatted him away around a thousand times but the little bastad moves too fast.

Then he started landing on me, and I literally couldn't get away from him.

All night he kept landing on my head and this morning I lay in bed with the covers down to my belly button and the little f***** kept landing on me.

When I went into the kitchen he followed me and now as I type this post he is perched on top of my monitor

I've given up trying to kill him, he seems to be friendly. Just hoping a spider or something catches him soon cos I aint quick enough

done deal pal

Why does this quote seem so familiar? I seem to recall it in a phony phone call with a dimunitive limousine driver...