Aethiest: Shit happens due to the law of physics.
Agnostic: Does shit really happen?
Catholicism: Shit happens becuase you're evil
Protestant: Shit happens because you're not working hard enough.
Baptist: Let us wash away your shit.
Charismatic: We're talking shit.
Jehova's Witnesses: Shit happens on your doorstep.
Jewish: Shit happens because it's cheaper.
Rastafarian: Let's smoke this shit.
Buddism: ...
Scientology: Shit won't happen if you pay us.
Muslim: The west makes shit happen.