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Bilbo's Meditations on Prague
Well, I've just got back from a four night stag do in Prague, a city that had been hyped up to me beforehand to be possibly the greatest lad's city in the world.
I can now say I agree 100%!
This is one beautiful, but sin depraved, sordid cess pool of absolute iniquity and whoredom. Everything about the city, at least where we went was just beyond seedy.
Walking down the streets at night you literally get jumped on by some of the sleaziest people in the world.
Black lookie lookie men will leap out from street corners shouting 'CHARLIE!!!' and try and foist their drugs upon you, gypsie whores seemingly come up out of the sewers after dark and throw themselves into your arms offering to blow you right there on the high street and touts from Darlings will literally try and pull you into their club so you can fuck an amputeed midget.
There was so much depravity going on that at times I felt like I was in ancient Babylon or Soddom and Gomorrah and its hard not to be pulled in.
As part of a nine man stag group the nights were spent touring brothels and strip clubs and living on the most disgusting saugages and burgers from the stalls that I have ever tasted.
In the circumstances I was possibly the best behaved as my mates were literally buying two or more whores a night whilst I just ended up feeling sorry for the girls, especially one who just looked so young and out of place in Go-Gos that I just gave her the money privately without sex so that she could keep all of it and not have to hand most of it over to the club.
Anyway I decided to compile my own short list of Do's and Don'ts for if any of you decide to visit this wonderfully corrupt hell hole.
1. Don't ever buy saugages, they are disgusting, 90% pure fat encased in what I believe was a combination of melted crayon and candle wax.
2. You HAVE to go Kalashinkov shooting it is incredible in it's complete disregard for human saftey. We arrived and were met by a Czech male and female who literally spoke no English whatsoever. They offered us a sandwich then led us into shed with an outdoor firing range consisting of bottles filled with water hanging on ropes.
They loaded a gun and just handed it to us. No instruction whatsover as I say they couldnt speak a word of English! I could not believe it!
3. Sex in Prague ranges from 2000 krona for an absolute stunner to 1000 for a gypsy hoe. This equates to around £30 to £60. Mosy will let you do pretty much anything you want, although in clubs there is a time limit.
4. Most girls offer anal and also lordly anal. My advice NEVER ask for lordly anal. If you don't know what it is, as I didn't it involves a girl, a huge rubber cock and your ass
5. If you want to fuck a freak, then Darlings off a midget girl with no arms although she's not cheap.
6. Never stand in front of my best mate in a queue. When he's drunk he finds it fun to urinate on you. Funny the first time when it wasn't me but not so funny the next several times when it was.
7. Go-Gos is the best brothel/club but the drinks are expensive. You can have full sex with a stunning East European for the price of 5 Vodka Redbulls. As I refuse to pay for sex I ended up drinking a lot whilst my mates were a whoring. I spent as much as they did
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