I hate people who can swim properly.

I swim pretty muhc every fookin day at lunch and Im sick to death of being overtaken by OAP's and people with missing limbs.

I secretly compete with Mrs Memphis. She potters up and down and Im strugling to keep up, I have to really put in some effort to 'win'

She says "you dont have to go slow for me, swim fast if you want to" I fucking am trying to swim fast godamit!"!!!!

I console myself in the knowledge that I could beat any one of them in a fight.....if it came down to it like.

Sulk over