What do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked

How do you stop a baby from crawling round in circles?
Nail it's other hand to the floor

What's got four legs and one arm?
A doberman in a playground

My girlfriend says today was the saddest day of her life because we've been trying for a baby for months now, but to no avail.
I think she's lying. The saddest day of her life will be when she finds out i've been slipping the morning after pill in her tea.

What's the difference between a dead baby and Walt Disney?
The dead baby stops producing shit.

There are thousand's out there.