Has ANYYY of you ever had to do this...

[Kel]

I could barely see the screen for tears, you tell a great story mate that's incredibly funny the way you describe your shitty ordeal

[CFH]

That's gold, Jerry! Gold!

[AdamGB]

hahah funny, reminds me of another story.

I'm very regular... do at least 3 fairly big shites everyday.... can hold it for a while but sometimes I just NEED to go.

In my old job we were lifting and relaying and old road, our lunch cabin was next to a church. It had a porta-potty but it hadn't been emptied for weeks... if not months... I couldn't even bare to be in it... let alone sit on it.

I used to normally shit when I got up, when I got home and before bed... but not today... needed to go really badly... I'd been in the church toilet once before but it was closed today... I knocked and the vicar refused to let me use the toilet... bastard... I hope Saint Peter reminds him about it...

There's a giant valley with a river than runs through it that is now a public park quite near and I knew that had public toilets in the middle of it so I headed off that way... I really needed to shit and was fighting back a turtle head the whole time... was very very close to knocking on a stranger's door and asking if I could use their toilet but it's probably the poshest/snootiest part of the city and I thought I could make it.

I got there and the toilets where CLOSED! I was literally touching cloth at this point... there was a cafe in the park not too far away but again it was shut... there's also a big posh restaurant and luckily (or so I thought) I could see it was open.

I buzzed on the door and this posh stuck up waiter in his late 30s (don't know how you can be stuck up if you're approaching mid life and you're a fucking waiter!) appeared at the window on the door... explained how desperate my situation was (dramatic... but would you want to lay a turd in your boxers?) and the cunt wouldn't let me in!

decided I was just going to have to go in a bush somewhere (like you I wasn't really bothered about wiping at this point!). I don't know if anybody hear knows Jesmond Dene but it's not exactly a park...

Jesmond Dene - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia looks like there's 10000s of bushes to take a shit right? wrong... it's either next to some family activity place/petting zoo/road/river or footpath.

After frantically rushing about trying to find somewhere within range I eventually decided to go back next to the restaurant and go in a bush there hoping nobody would see me.

I'm normally a clean shitter... few wipes and I'm done... but the shit was already on it's way out at this point... I'd crushed my own turtle head with my bum cheeks to stop it coming out any further so lets just say it took a lot of whipping... all I had where my boxer shorts... that's what reminded me of your story.

The best part (and the point to me telling you about a shit I took!!!) of the story is that I didn't want to leave a pair of MY shitty pants in a public place where lots of children are (didn't like the idea of Timmy the dog giving granny a pair of shitty pants it found or a kid playing army stepping in them!)

I could of carried them to the river running through the park and thrown them in there... but why would I do that when I was right next to the restaurant that that cunt of a waiter worked in? *SPLAT* stotted them off the front door of the place for him to deal with!

[Andre]

hahah funny, reminds me of another story.

I'm very regular... do at least 3 fairly big shites everyday.... can hold it for a while but sometimes I just NEED to go.

In my old job we were lifting and relaying and old road, our lunch cabin was next to a church. It had a porta-potty but it hadn't been emptied for weeks... if not months... I couldn't even bare to be in it... let alone sit on it.

I used to normally shit when I got up, when I got home and before bed... but not today... needed to go really badly... I'd been in the church toilet once before but it was closed today... I knocked and the vicar refused to let me use the toilet... bastard... I hope Saint Peter reminds him about it...

There's a giant valley with a river than runs through it that is now a public park quite near and I knew that had public toilets in the middle of it so I headed off that way... I really needed to shit and was fighting back a turtle head the whole time... was very very close to knocking on a stranger's door and asking if I could use their toilet but it's probably the poshest/snootiest part of the city and I thought I could make it.

I got there and the toilets where CLOSED! I was literally touching cloth at this point... there was a cafe in the park not too far away but again it was shut... there's also a big posh restaurant and luckily (or so I thought) I could see it was open.

I buzzed on the door and this posh stuck up waiter in his late 30s (don't know how you can be stuck up if you're approaching mid life and you're a fucking waiter!) appeared at the window on the door... explained how desperate my situation was (dramatic... but would you want to lay a turd in your boxers?) and the cunt wouldn't let me in!

decided I was just going to have to go in a bush somewhere (like you I wasn't really bothered about wiping at this point!). I don't know if anybody hear knows Jesmond Dene but it's not exactly a park...

Jesmond Dene - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia looks like there's 10000s of bushes to take a shit right? wrong... it's either next to some family activity place/petting zoo/road/river or footpath.

After frantically rushing about trying to find somewhere within range I eventually decided to go back next to the restaurant and go in a bush there hoping nobody would see me.

I'm normally a clean shitter... few wipes and I'm done... but the shit was already on it's way out at this point... I'd crushed my own turtle head with my bum cheeks to stop it coming out any further so lets just say it took a lot of whipping... all I had where my boxer shorts... that's what reminded me of your story.

The best part (and the point to me telling you about a shit I took!!!) of the story is that I didn't want to leave a pair of MY shitty pants in a public place where lots of children are (didn't like the idea of Timmy the dog giving granny a pair of shitty pants it found or a kid playing army stepping in them!)

I could of carried them to the river running through the park and thrown them in there... but why would I do that when I was right next to the restaurant that that cunt of a waiter worked in? *SPLAT* stotted them off the front door of the place for him to deal with!

Sometimes snobs need a wake up call bro.

A mate of one of my old labourers is in and out of jail for assult etc I heard that he asked to use the toilet in the Shell service station (punt road which is real busy inner city style for those who dont know.It was late i the night he got refused so dropped one right on the floor in between the automatic closing doors I know the store its down by the river and there was a nice Pakistani fellow behind the counter, poor bastord was only going by the rules seeing its an area for waking up drugs etc.

Wheres Mcplopeater when you need him?

[Phil]

lol this thread is brilliant! haven't laughed so much in a long time!

[ICB]

I'll tell you a funny story i once needed to go badly, i was in high school and you know when your in class and you need to do your business or whatever. The teacher gives you a letter, well i had to run literally because i was dying to go and i done my business.

Then i find out some cunts have took all the toilet paper's off, so the only thing i could do is wipe my ass with the letter i was given. Luckily it only took a few wipes but guess what i did next, because i hated my teacher. And she would treat me like shit, i decided "Hey why not treat her like shit".

So when i went back into class she wanted me to give her the letter back, so i glady obliged and gave her the letter and she went screaming out of the class room fucking hilarious. I then got in big trouble with the head mistress.

And she was asking me why i did it and ETC and i lied and said i didn't do it. Saying i dropped the letter where some kid had shitted on the floor, and that the teacher forced me to give her the letter and that i tried to tell her.

All BS of course and when the teacher i done that too come in, while i was with the head mistress and said i was lying. I said "Well if you don't believe me why not go and test the shit". And she went storming out LOL one of my finer moments i might add

[AdamGB]

Going for a McShit: the act of going into a fast food restaurant purely to use the toilet

A McShit with lies: telling the suspicious manager that you'll buy something when you're done on the toilet

[leftylee]

Adam that's fuckin disgusting I would never have a shit in school. The toilet seat is full of stinking piss and there's never any bog roll in my school. You must have had to squat huh ? Damn, that's wrong.

BTW Diz that story was fucking comical LMAO I had a great laugh reading it

[ICB]

Adam that's fuckin disgusting I would never have a shit in school. The toilet seat is full of stinking piss and there's never any bog roll in my school. You must have had to squat huh ? Damn, that's wrong.

BTW Diz that story was fucking comical LMAO I had a great laugh reading it

I could hardly run home considering my place is quite a fair way from my school. I had no choice i didn't really like doing it, or using the letter as toilet paper but if you gotta go you gotta go. Atleast the teacher got hers

[AdamGB]

Adam that's fuckin disgusting

Are you talking to me or ice?

I shat in bush... not a school