Calzaghe issues apology

[Kev]

Ah poor Joe, I think his apology sucked though.

This is what my statement would have been.


'Dear fans. As you know I too have now become a victim to that fucking shameless sand n***** who has nothing better to do than bring others down, in order to elevate his own slime ball career. I spent many hours with this roach of a man and his insect like acomplices where alcohol flowed freely and yet the only negative comments they could provoke out of me in all this time was that Amir Khan is chinny and that Hatton's punch resistance has gone, two statements shared by every boxing fan in the country.

I would like to take this opportunity to describe my feelings towards the News Of The World, a positively atrocious waste of paper and a piece of shit junk tabloid that nobody takes seriously anyhow. Fuck them and all who write for them.

I am Joe Calzahge, I am a legend and I'm undefeated, this fake sheik is a dirty arab and a total asshole who left disgusting bum hairs wherever he sat his filthy behind and who attracted flies, like, well a skanky arab attract flies.

Good day to you all.'

My statement would been a little different

Dear fans,

I'm sure everybody has seen the recent story, where I admitted to using cocaine. The story is true. All of it. It is for that story that I am issuing this statement. Anybody expecting an apology from me can go fukk themselves. I'm Joe "muthafukkin" Calzaghe. The muthafukkin Legend Killer. And there's 3 things the Legend Killer don't do. He don't lose in the ring. He don't challenge himself. And he don't apologize. I ain't sorry for nothing. I do what I do cuz that's what I do. Nobody tell me what to do. I tell you guys what to do. I run this shiit here. Not you. Cocaine ain't nothing. I can handle it. Cocaine don't get me high. I get cocaine high. I tell cocaine what to do. Cocaine need me. I don't need cocaine. Cuz I'm the fukking Legend Killer. And that's how the Legend Killer roll. People wanna act all concern and worry about me. I don't need you guys worrying about me. I'm been in the ring with Tocker Pudwill, Will McIntyre and twice with Mario Veit. You think anything worry me? No. Yeah I pawned the title I got when I beat Kessler. But that's a WBA title. A Mere Con got a WBA title. What that tell you? You can find one anywhere. This is the first and last time you guys ever think you can question the Legend Killers actions again. Don't think I won't pick up and leave this God forsaken country. I don't need it. You guys need me. I'm the best thing to happen to the UK since tooth paste and floss. If I leave, who you left with? Nobody. Hatton? Ha! Fat fukks heart won't see thanksgiving. That's thing is ready to explode. Who else? Con? Please. I saw a fan kiss him on the cheek and knock him unconscious. Boy can't take a punch. Haye? Another pussy. Talk all that nonsense about my real good buddy Wlad and his sexy brother Vitali and punks out like a biitch. Haye called me and asked me about faking injuries. What that tell you? Like I said. You guys have nobody. So I suggest all you fukking losers get in line and stay off the Legend Killers business. Or there will be repercussions. Now which of you muthafukkas is holding. I need a line

haha I thought you were becoming a fan until I got a third of the way down

But you must respect his drug abuse at least surely.

[TitoFan]

First Tiger Woods and now Joe Calzaghe.

If the press were to have it's way, press conferences would be turned into confessionals for wayward pro athletes to confess their sins.

Fukk the press!