Any good jokes ????

[El Kabong]

slept like a lawyer last night. Lying on one side, then turning over and lying on the other...



I thought I would have gotten out of that ticket the other day. When pulled over by the cop, I told her "You are the prettiest woman I have ever seen in uniform". She started to blush, said thank you and put away her ticket book until I continued and said, "And that's not just the booze talking either"


I asked my parents if I was a gifted child. They replied "Well we certainly wouldn't have paid for you."


Got pulled over by a cop yesterday. He asked me, "do you know why I pulled you over?" I guess, "why did you forget?" wasn't the best reply...


My boss heard I write funny FB status. He asked me to send him one through email. I replied to him saying, "not now, I'm working." His reply? "That is very funny, send me another one!"

[roberto duran legend]

Parking spaces are like girls at a party ,if you get there late all the good ones
are taken. so when no one is looking you stick it in the disabled one.

[Dia bando]

I bought my wife some make-up,for her birthday to day she looked at it and said.
This has been tested on animals, that's why I bought it! I said what for well if it can make a monkey,
look good then maybe you have a chance

[Dia bando]

My wife asked me,if her appendix scar made her look unattractive my reply.
Don't worry love your tit's cover it.

[TitoFan]

Cowboy riding thru the dessert finds a lamp in the sand.
He rubs it... and out comes a genie.

"I'll grant you 3 wishes." the genie says.
"Ok... well first of all... I want the face of Brad Pitt."

Shazzamm!! "Done" the genie says.

"Ok now I want six-pack abs and huge pecs."

Shazzammm!! "One more" says the genie.

"Alright... I want to be hung like my horse."

Shazzammmm!!! "Ok... all done."

Cowboy rides back as fast as he can to his house and runs to the mirror.

"Alright!!" he says upon seeing his face.
"Yeah!!" he yells upon removing his shirt.

Then he undoes his pants.

"Holy fuck!!! I was riding my mare!!!"

[Andre]

Some Lawyer jokes are on page one.
I tried to merge two threads but the Lawyer thread tried to take over this thread, instead of just merging with it! Anyway Ive changed the title back to "Any good Jokes" and now the merge is up front as page one.

Fuck that procedure, going in reverse to what I wanted

[El Kabong]

Some Lawyer jokes are on page one.
I tried to merge two threads but the Lawyer thread tried to take over this thread, instead of just merging with it! Anyway Ive changed the title back to "Any good Jokes" and now the merge is up front as page one.

Fuck that procedure, going in reverse to what I wanted

That's not funny.......that's not funny at all

[Andre]

Some Lawyer jokes are on page one.
I tried to merge two threads but the Lawyer thread tried to take over this thread, instead of just merging with it! Anyway Ive changed the title back to "Any good Jokes" and now the merge is up front as page one.

Fuck that procedure, going in reverse to what I wanted

That's not funny.......that's not funny at all

I know ,you'd think if you were merging a small one page thread with a thread that is pages long and lives on a main board, the smaller thread would merge and not take over the whole thing.

As you say not funny .

[Dia bando]

I was talking to my father in law, he's at that funny age he got his Viagra and sleeping tablets mixed up the old guy went to bed and had 40 wanks.

[fan johnny]

christmas.jpg

[TitoFan]

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' toyer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?, asks the attendant.

"They're called tees" replies Tiger.

"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "Mercedes thinks of everything!"

[El Kabong]

[roberto duran legend]

Today i bought myself some sensible walking boots and a rucksack and
went up to the peak district, walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat
on a dry stone wall and had a flask of coffee. then i walked another 5 miles
and had a biscuit and then i........ sorry im rambling......

[roberto duran legend]

I went to the doctors suffering from premature ejaculation he said
" it must be very stressful for your wife". I said "Well she used to take it on the chin,
but to be perfectly honest its getting on her tits now."

[roberto duran legend]

At school my favourite lesson was PE, probably because i had the biggest cock.
I remember i used to stroll around the changing room naked, flicking the
weaker kids with my towel whilst pointing and laughing at there little
dicks.....
Looking back i think thats probably the reason i was sacked.