Re: 2007 FIGHTS TO SEE

Originally Posted by
DaxxKahn
My money is on Mom
A battle for the ages - the speed and wolverine-like ferocity of mum, against the bulk and brute force of Nosey Lady Across Street (NLAS)
The first bell sounds, and immediately mum is there at ring centre with a sneaky straight right - all the pent up aggression and venom from the pre-fight build up spills out. Mum bounces lightly on her feet, unleashing a crisp series of combinations that gets Nosey Lady's blubber wobbling dramatically. The crowd are on their feet, anticipating an early and spectacular stoppage. Nosey lady covers up, throwing one pendulous breast over her shoulder and around the delicate scar tissue abover her right eys and weathers the storm.
Mum backs away, not wanting to get into a toe to toe slugfest with the younger, heavier opponent, she circles to her left, pumping out a hurtful jab and taking advantage of her reach. Nosey lady, peers out of her peek-a-boo breast defence and mounts a series of rushing attacks, seeking to smother Mum underneath her vast bulk. She raises her fists, hiding her right behind her drooping fatty bat-wings so mum cannot read her attacks. Mum nimbly skips aside, but we already see the pattern of the fight emerging...... Nosey lady pushes mum back, and uses her weight very well, making mum expend valuable energy circling the ring and pumping out that job (honed from years of clipping DaxxKhan around the ear). IN fact, Nosey lady is so fat that there is only 3' of space left for mum.
By mid round, Nosey Lady is sweating heavily and the pace is beginning to tell. She is marked up around the right eye, but mum is struggling for breath and her mouthpiece is showing (a certain sign of weariness).
The bell goes to end a thrilling first round. Nosey lady refuses to sit in her corner, and instead walks over the ring to listen in to Mums instructions, as she is very nosey indeed.
The bell signals the start of round two, and Nosey Lady immediately rushes over and clouts mum with a sizzling blow with her handbag. It if full of Twinkies, and they explode over mum's forehead, obscuring her vision. Mum backs off, pawing her eyes like an enraged bull, she begins to dance in and out, landing hurtful straight lefts. She whips over a devastating right cross, but gets her hand caught in the fat around Nosey lady's chops. Before she can withdraw it, Nosey Lady is whaling away at her ribs. Clearly, hurt, mum backs off and warily circles Nosey Lady, who grins at her savagely. Nosey lady is using a pork pie instead of a mouthpiece, and the crust of the pastry glints with saliva as she mocks mum and tries to draw her into a slugfest. Wisely, mum keeps her distance, piling up points with quick combos and uppercuts whenever they get get close. Now mum is talking to Nosey lady, "What's my name" she taunts her, "My son has a better job than yours". This sends Nosey lady into a frenzy and she wades after mum, sweat flying off her as she lumbers towards her tormentor ......... straight into a devastating counter "Your house is a mess" sneers mum, grunting with the effort.
The bell rings and the fighters have to be separated at the bell "Your husband is a drunk" comes from Nosey Lady as the last meanigful blow struck.
The corners work furiously to repair the damage. Mum needs new lipstick and eyeliner is applied to the Twinky damage using the Endswell shovel. In the other corner, blood seeps down Noey lady's Buddha-like stomach and her corner realise she has only one good round left before exhaustion sinks in and she has to go and listen into the crowd's coversation. They furiously exhort her to new heights of effort and she stands, biting into the pork pie mouthpiece, waiting for the bell. One last squirt of macdonald's thick shake and she is ready for the bell.
Both fighter wearily answer the bell for the third. Mum's dress is torn and she looks a mess covered in mascara and twinky cream. Her opponent is covered in blood and her hair net has come off, her hair rollers and askew and she is panting heavily with exertion. The rounds are even. They plod towards each other with newfound respect, Nosey lady puts out her hands to touch gloves, then in a sneaky move, when mum extends her hands, she clouts her with a right. The crowd erupt in boos and she grins manically through the pink froth oozing from her ears. Mum staggers back and, as Nosey lady moves in for the kill, an amazing sight unfolds ........
A small hang-glider comes into the camera shot, it falls towards the ring and we see that it is being piloted by Evander Holyfield, desperate to get back into the big time. He careers down (like his own career) and lands directly on top of Nosey lady. Unsurprisingly, Evander has butted Nosey lady on landing and she is staggering around the ring. The referee, unable to control the bedlam, grabs Evander and walks him toward the neutral corner, where mum promply fells him with a vicious "You're to old to be acting like this, get to your room".
Cut, hurt, tired and humiliated, Nosey Lady is waved back to fight. She drops her hands "no mas" "no Mas" she mutters through her swollen lips (on her face).
Mum's hand is raised after one of the most dramatic fights in boxing history.
At the post-fight ringside interview, an exhausted mum look into the camera and says "Daxx, make your bed", and the curtain draws down on another amazing night in X-looneyland.
If God wanted us to be vegetarians, why are animals made of meat ?
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