Joke

[JT Rock]

What do you call a Vegan with diarreah

A Salad Shooter!!!!!!!

[Preme]

.....I call them worthless....or Eminem either one fits

we just call them an ambulance

[SOBO]

What do you call an Indian who is stuck under a Jeep?


Pindunderjeep



LOL

[smashup]

Whats black and blue and hates sex?




















a rape victim

[frozensolid_702]

Whats black and blue and hates sex?




















a rape victim

[frozensolid_702]

a rabbi, an indian, and a cowboy walk into a bar, the bartender looks over at them and says.............................................. ."What is this, some kind of joke?"

[landmine950]

What do you call an Indian who is stuck under a Jeep?


Pindunderjeep



LOL

East Indian travel agent?? Bindair Dundat
Door man? Mahat Makoat

[Lords Gym]

What do you call an Indian who is stuck under a Jeep?


Pindunderjeep



LOL

East Indian travel agent?? Bindair Dundat
Door man? Mahat Makoat

Good stuff !

[Lords Gym]

A Berkeley, an MIT, and a Chicago professor were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God is sitting on the great white throne. God addresses the Berkeley professor first: "What do you believe in?"

The Berkeley professor replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses the MIT professor: "What do you believe in?"

The MIT professor replies, "Well, I believe technology is the greatest boon to man. We can eliminate disease, poverty, suffering, and make mother Earth a paradise for all to enjoy."

God thinks for a second and says: "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then address the Chicago professor. "What do you believe?"

"I believe you're in my chair."

[Lords Gym]

[size=10pt]Auto accidents and insurance statements[/size]
The following quotes are actual statements which were written on insurance forms when car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in as few words as possible.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn't have.

The other collided with mine without even giving warning of its intentions A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed for the embankment.

As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared. I was unable to stop in time to avoid an accident.

To avoid hitting the car in front of me, I struck the pedestrian.

In my attempt to hit a fly. I drove into a telephone pole.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat, I found I had a fractured skull.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel. I saw a sad faced gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching and I was attempting to swerve out of the way when it struck my front end.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble, when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

[Scrap]

Two women talking is it true youre 36 and have 18 boys. Yes the 2nd one replys and theyre all called Wayne. The 1st really what happens when you call one how do they know who you want the 2nd replys I call out their Sir name

[Jimanuel Boogustus]

A businessman from Luton is speeding down the M1 towards London. It’s raining and visibility is piss-poor.
The man is absolutely flying, doing about 110mph when a patrolling traffic-police unit clocks him.
So, of course, the police officer flicks on his blue lights and speeds up behind the Lutonian and then signals him to pull over.

The Businessman pulls over and just sits there, patiently waiting for the Officer to approach the vehicle.

"Can I see your licence sir". Says the Officer.

"No, I don't have it with me, I left in a hurry unfortunately".

"Oh really? So where exactly were you going is such a hurry then?" The Officer says through a smug looking grin.

"Well I need to dump my wife’s body somewhere and I was just anxious to find a quite lay-by" The businessman then signals to his glove compartment.

"I killed her with the gun I have here in this glove compartment. I am sorry officer, am I in big trouble?"

"Don't move!" Says the Policeman. "Stay right were you are! Let me see your hands!"
Immediately the policeman backs right up towards his own parked vehicle and radios over to request armed response and absolutely any other backup in the surrounding areas.




Only a few minutes pass when a dozen cop cars pull up along side the Lutonian's car. Suddenly some bigwig hop's out of a squad car and approaches the suspects’ motor, rather brazenly.

"Do you mind if I have a look round your motor Sir?" Says the Bigwig.

"Not at all Officer, be my guest."

"Good. Open the boot then please."

The Bigwig peers inside the boot only to find a set of jump leads and a bucket. Nothing there then.
So he moves round to the passenger side of the car and pulls open the glove compartment. Again, nothing.

Bemused, the big wig says, "I was informed that we were dealing with a murder suspect here!"

"What!" Says the businessman, seemingly shocked and insulted. "Me? A murderer?!

"Yes, I have, er had reason to believe you had a dead body in the boot of your car sir." The Bigwig is clearly uncomfortable.

"Oh really? So you thought I might of moved the body to my glove compartment then?"

"Oh, no sir. Well its just, we also have, I mean had, reason to believe you were also concealing firearms too."

The businessman roars with laughter "Bwahaha, this is absolutely ridiculous! What else? I suppose you have reason to believe I was speeding too?"

[Lords Gym]

Two women talking is it true youre 36 and have 18 boys. Yes the 2nd one replys and theyre all called Wayne. The 1st really what happens when you call one how do they know who you want the 2nd replys I call out their Sir name

[Scrap]

The Irish had a press conferance to announce there attempt to land a man on the Sun The scribes started laugthing and said theyed get burned to death. they replied we thought of that so were going at night

[CutMeMick]

OK....
Heres some that either just got sent to me or know by heart......

A banker and his friend were fishing one afternoon when their boat began to sink.
The banker said, "I can't swim."
His friend held on to the banker and swam toward shore.
After 20 minutes, he grew tired and asked, "Do you suppose you could float alone?"
The banker replied, "Well, this is a hell of a time to ask for money."



Three nuns were talking.

The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day, and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines."
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry, and I found a bunch of condoms!"
"Oh, my!" gasped the other nuns.
"What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.
The third nun fainted.