Last night, Saturday, had our In House show, fighting the main event. This was a fundraiser for our upcoming tournaments. Going into it, I knew I had no chance of winning the fight. Like zero. Fighting a guy nearly 10 years older with much more experience, and one of our provinces and countries best...also, my regular sparring partner. Still, to this point have not lost a fight, so could not get to thinking about losing, only what I could do to win.

Well I didn't win it. I did give it the best I had I felt. It wasn't even a scored fight, more an exhibition. I knew if I went hard, I risked pissing off my opponent and facing his wrath. So of course I gave it my all. First round I think I even won, my coach says I did. 2nd and 3rd round I got owned. Probably not as bad as it felt, but it felt bad afterwards. I was upset. Upset because I clearly didn't win, and because of the punch to the throat and back of the head I received. But moreso...I think, because of pride. My pride took its first beating. And this, even knowing going into it..I had no chance.

I suppose there was a lesson here. I'm just not sure yet what that lesson is. Humility maybe? I might be feeling a bit humbled, but if anything, I am kinda angered. As in, now all I can think about is how long it will take before I can beat this person. I know I will be able to one day, although that is likely not what I should be thinking about. He's not even close to in my category, in experience, age or class. I know some of you will respond, or think about responding with 'losing is a part of it' etc...but I don't feel that way. I don't ever think that losing is part of it. Maybe there is a lesson to it, but it is not one I want as a regular part of my understanding of boxing. Every time I step in the ring, I want to win, and in fact expect to.

So I guess this is sort of rambling, but that is where I am at. Trying to sort it out. Next stop will be fighting against someone my age, in my category and for provincials and nationals beginning Oct. So back on track and on course I go. Slightly bruised ego, bit of a sore throat, trying to make sense and gather up what it is that stands in front of me, and what I need to get it.

Anyway, no excuses, no regrets. Just onward.