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  1. #1
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    Default Re: Classic Saddo jokes.

    One of X's....

    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire
    long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in.
    The RAC or AA is not an option. I will get in.

    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
    If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. ( F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function).

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either s*x, cars or sport. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2008, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... ]like looking for my socks, or wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

    This has been a public service message for Women to better understand Men...the above might seem like a joke. But it's not.
    Do not let success go to your head and do not let failure get to your heart.

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    Default Re: Classic Saddo jokes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Master View Post
    One of X's....
    The others in blue text are too
    If God wanted us to be vegetarians, why are animals made of meat ?

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    Default Re: Classic Saddo jokes.

    Sven-Goran Eriksson is on 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' and has reached the £1 million question. Chris Tarrant says, "Right Sven, this is for a £1 million, and remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time. "Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a Set? "Is it. a, a badger b, a ferret c, a mole or d, a cuckoo?" Sven ponders for a while and says, "No, I'm sorry Chris, I'm not too sure. I'll have to go 50-50." "Right, Sven, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with. 'Badger' and 'Cuckoo' are the two remaining answers." Sven has a long think, then scratches his head and says, "No, Chris, I'm still not sure, I'm going to have to phone a friend." So who are you going to call, Sven?" says Chris. "Hmmm, I think I'll call David Beckham." So Tarrant phones David Beckham. "David, this is Chris Tarrant from 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'. I've got Sven-Goran Eriksson here, and with your help he could win £1 million. The next voice you hear will be Sven's." "Hello David" says Sven. "It's the boss here. What type of animal lives in a set? Is it a badger or a cuckoo?" "It's a badger, boss." says Becks without hesitation. "You sure, son?" says Sven. "Definitely, boss. One hundred percent. It's a badger. Definitely." "Right, Chris," says Sven, "I'll go with David. The answer's a badger. "Final answer, Sven?" "Final answer, Chris." "That's the correct answer. You've won £1 million!" Cue wild celebrations. Next morning at training, Sven calls Beckham across. "Son, that was brilliant last night. I thought I might be taking a gamble giving you a call, but you played a blinder! But how the heck did you know that a badger lives in a set?" "Oh I didn't, boss..." replies Beckham, .......... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > "... But everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!"
    Do not let success go to your head and do not let failure get to your heart.

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    Default Re: Classic Saddo jokes.

    A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
    garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a
    20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

    Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says.. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills
    falling out of your bag."

    "Oh, really? Darn!..." said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see
    if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."

    "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?
    "You didn't steal it, did you?"

    "Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
    the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee
    through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with
    my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thingy through the fence, I
    say, '$20 or off it comes'.

    "Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way,
    what's in the other bag?"

    "Well, you know", "not everybody pays".

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    Default Re: Classic Saddo jokes.

    A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

    'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror

    On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

    Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

    Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy ,M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

    Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

    He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?

    Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed

    I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!
    Last edited by DaxxKahn; 01-06-2010 at 09:15 PM.

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    Default Re: Classic Saddo jokes.

    What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

    The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says:

    "You're next, fatty."
    Do not let success go to your head and do not let failure get to your heart.

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    Default Re: Classic Saddo jokes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Master View Post
    What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

    The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says:

    "You're next, fatty."
    .......

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    Default Re: Classic Saddo jokes.

    Whats the difference between a Gene & a Hormone?



    YOU CAN'T HEAR A GENE...
    The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be

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    Default Re: Classic Saddo jokes.

    Two girls who work the checkout at the supermarket , one says to the other

    " you know u can tell alot about people from what is in their trolly"

    the other girl says "well give me an example"

    So the first says - " the guy over at checkout number 5 is a single guy "

    "Prove it " says the second girl"

    so the first girl goes to the checkout and look in the guys trolly.

    one egg / one slice of bacon / one cake / one block of cheese / one apple /one banana.

    She says to the guy - " your single arent you "

    He replies - " how did you know is it because of my trolly content "

    She replies " NO ITS BECAUSE YOUR A RIGHT UGLY CUNT "

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