Joke

[Kel]

What do you call an Indian who is stuck under a Jeep?


Pindunderjeep



LOL

Indian who is good at DIY

Ahmed Mahshed

[Lords Gym]

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

[Lords Gym]

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?


Your wife will always blow your bonus!

[Lords Gym]

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

[Lords Gym]

What is invisable and smells like carrots?


Rabbit farts.

[Lords Gym]

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $5.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes" she purrs "I am."

The man replies "Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

[Lords Gym]

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.

Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."

The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."

[TheBESTP4P]

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

[TheBESTP4P]

welcome to the 5000 promise land my good friend!

[TheBESTP4P]

i just LETTERMAN and he said:

TODAY IS QUEEN ELIZABETH'S BDAY SHE IS NOW 81. WHICH MAKES HER THE OLDEST QUEEN ENGLANDS EVER HAD......IN SECOND PLACE IS ELTON JOHN.

[Scrap]

Name 3 African Queens Queen of Sheba, Cleopatra, Johnny Mathis

[Lords Gym]

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.


I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.


I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

[Lords Gym]

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.


My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.


My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.


My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

[BoxingGorilla]

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. Lord's Gym
Classic Woody Allen 


Adam and Eve were walking down a beach together.  After a few moments Adam asked, "What's the SMELL?!"

"I don't know," Eve responds as they continue to stroll along.

About 5 minutes later Adam sniffs the air and exclaims, "THERE IT IS AGAIN! What is the awful smell?!"

Eve answers, "I have no idea." 

10 minutes later Adam puts his hand over his mouth and says, "What the F*** is that?! I'm gonna puke!"

Embarrased Eve says, "Look, maybe it's me."

"Well, go in the ocean and wash off for God's sake!"  Adam yells.

Eve goes into the ocean and she splashing around and jumping up and down in the water trying to clean herself off.

Adam looks up the beach and here comes Jesus.  Jesus looks at Eve and then looks at Adam and says, "What the hell is she doing in there?"

"Washing off," Adam answers.

"DAMN IT!" Jesus says, "I'll never get the smell of those fish."

[BoxingGorilla]

My uncle told me that joke today. I laughed very hard when I heard the punchline. I never blinked an at it. However, when I started typing it in the thread I felt guilty and a bit ashamed.

Still, I thought it was funny...