I feel like I am done with life

[brocktonblockbust]

I feel like I am done with life. 54 + years. I have done many many things and I have gone to many many places and I have suffered through many many trials and tribulations and hardships and I don't regret any of it because it was an incredibly mind-blowing learning experience all the way through from a very emotionally tough childhood filled with anxiety and fears and lack of self-esteem all the way through college and then about 18 years of struggling hard from one clerical job to another in New York City and in New Jersey and then finally reengineering myself in 2006 to become an ESL instructor and travel the world. Now I am back in the United States for a little over 3 years and the feeling of emptiness in the feeling of getting older and your body starts to have some aches and pains and you try hard to do Sprints and to do push-ups into work out and to watch what you eat and to drink plenty of water and to try to get good sleep but it just starts to get very tiresome and it just starts to get very depressing and it just starts to get very empty and Melancholy and you just start to feel very unmotivated about anything anymore and you start to really not care about anything anymore because it seems like the same old song and dance outside in the streets and in the news and in everyday life again and again and again and you drive past the cemeteries when you are on the bus or on the train and you see tens of thousands of tombs and Graves and grave sites and the wind is blowing in the gray sky above the cemeteries through the graveyards the grey wind and the Cool Grey sky in the brooding clouds of silver and white and you wonder where all the souls have gone and where we are going and how futile everything is here

@Gandalf @Beanz

[Beanz]

Whatever it may seem like, life is not futile. Think how much your wife loves you and how empty her life would be without you. Think how many people you have enabled to improve their lot in life by learning English so that they can screw over the white man . Think how many people on here have had their lives lightened if only for a moment by one of your mad posts or funny videos. Think of all the other forums you could troll and bait in the next 50 years. Think of how great it would be to eventually be able to chill out from the rat race a little in a little place in the sticks. It is entirely normal to feel like this, I often do and I am sure we are not alone. Do not let your body tell your mind and soul what to do. It can pretend that it is the captain of your ship sometimes, but it really is just an illusion.

I am currently shooting a lot of pre-production tests in graveyards for a promo in a few weeks, so understand how they can remind you of how fleeting life is. No reason to let go of it though, if anything it makes it more precious. Thanks for feeling comfortable enough to share this with us Rocky, can't have been easy.

[Memphis]

Whats required here is a beer tasting video. I fucking loved those. That'll make you feel better Brock.

[brocktonblockbust]

Thanks to Beanz and Memphis for reaching out to lend a hand. I hope it did not come across as suicidal because that is not what it is just to get that out there. But it is near overwhelming melancholy. I hesitate to say depression but more like Melancholy and the French word of ENNUI.

how about I start a new thread next week or so on the let's get it on forum of beer tasting? I can make it especially entertaining by keeping the entire beer tasting to 60 seconds for each video.

Thanks again you guys those are really good points beanz I appreciate that very much.

[Dark Lord Al]

Steve you may be unpredictable but you are - YOU and that is unique in itself.
Come to Manchester and live the dream.

[walrus]

If you weren’t such a fucking dick u would probably feel better. You reap what you sow.

[Dia bando]

Steve it's a age thing mate as I said to you have travelled and seen the world and experienced more than most.
Itchy feet mate you find it hard settle hopefully you will just get used to being in one place or you experience more of the USA.😊

[walrus]

Steve it's a age thing mate as I said to you have travelled and seen the world and experienced more than most.
Itchy feet mate you find it hard settle hopefully you will just get used to being in one place or you experience more of the USA.😊

Nah he will just be a prick in an empty shell, without external distractions he needs to see himself for what he is, and it’s a hard pill to swallow

[El Kabong]

Steve it's a age thing mate as I said to you have travelled and seen the world and experienced more than most.
Itchy feet mate you find it hard settle hopefully you will just get used to being in one place or you experience more of the USA.😊

Nah he will just be a prick in an empty shell, without external distractions he needs to see himself for what he is, and it’s a hard pill to swallow

A suppository?

[brocktonblockbust]

I see myself for exactly what I am. I am in Armenian Italian-American second generation with a bachelor's degree from Rutgers College in English literature. I am 54 plus years old. I teach ESL to South East Asian students. I speak my mind without fear of reprisal. If I don't like cats or if I don't like cigarettes or if I don't like junk food or if I don't like bumbling about the house thinking of tools and yard equipment and new big screen TVs and furniture then I will simply say that I don't like it. And that goes for any other topic. If I think religion is a man-made fantasy I will say it. If I did hard research for 30 years plus and came to discover that religions are pure lies then I will say it. If I think people who follow organized religions are delusional then I will say it. I will always say what I think and if it costs me anyting I am willing to pay it.

Now a Roman Catholic would probably read my post above and think about that idiotic thing that walrus has just said. But even when I was 14 or 15 years old I was experiencing Melancholy and reading the Poetry of AE Housman and John Keats and William Shakespeare and reading the Poetry of Browning and Yeats and Samuel Taylor Coleridge and reading that poetry when I was a teenager and feeling the same empty feeling of melancholy as I feel right now.

if I wanted to feel really empty I would pretend that there was a Jewish rabbi who was born of a virgin buy a Holy Spirit and then was killed by the Romans and came back to life. That would make me feel even more Melancholy and depressed. So you can take your religious bullcrap and go see a psychiatrist about it cuz it is a serious mental disorder.

if I think somebody is a whack job I call him out on it the same way somebody can call me out if they think I am a wackjob it doesn't bother me in the least. But walrus is about as vile as they come or mentally unstable or both.

his life can be summed up as follows because he does partake in projecting this attitude to the world and that is this:

LET THEM EAT CAKE.

[walrus]

Nope, you can try to spin it but you are just a nasty spiteful prick and it left you bankrupt. That’s it, pure and simple, I’m not talking about your race, religion, ethinicity or any other smoke screen you might attempt to throw up, just your miserable human core, carry on, say what you will, I’ve said it all.

[Batman]

I'm a bit lost here, what happened between you two?

[El Kabong]

I'm a bit lost here, what happened between you two?

Well neither of them laughed at my joke for starters....

[brocktonblockbust]

]He is the exact opposite human being as I am in every way shape and form. that goes from Taking Liberties to make certain types of jokes where it's okay if he does but then if the other person does it it is considered a horrible insult. ...where there is constant misunderstandings about what somebody is meaning or something is being said in jest or if it is being serious or not. There are just some people that have the exact opposite chemistry as you do and that is what happened. Notice how magnanimous I am by saying about opposite chemistry even after the ignorant things he said when he first posted in this thread and that is why I called him a vile human being.

If you notice any time there's any kind of issue or controversy he always says he's done with it he's "done with it he doesn't want to talk about it he's done with it." He's the type of person who lights little fires all over the place and then when you want to discuss it to understand it or clarify it or question him about it and then he says he doesn't want to discuss it. He does that for years until you get disgusted with him. He even did it in this thread again his classic line of "go ahead and spin it however you want I'm done with it I'm done.". bwaaaaHAHAHA

Yeah he's done all right. You can stick a fork in him

[Master]

I'm a bit lost here, what happened between you two?

Well neither of them laughed at my joke for starters....

It was funny