Any good jokes ????

[Master]

I have!

[Xwetie]

A woman came to her gynecologist one day and said: I have not had sex with my husband in six months. He don't want sex no more

Well, then you should try this on him! said gynecologist and took out a small pill bottle.
- This is just an experimental medicine so we do not know right it can have side effects.
Give him a pill and tell me what happens.
The woman took the pill jar and went home.

The following day, she called to the gynecologist and said excitedly: He lit directly, we had sex for two hours. But tell me, what happens if I give him two pills?
Do not know, try it, said the gynaecologist.

The following day she called again.
Ahhh, last night we had sex for five hours. But tell me what happens if I give him 5 pills?
Do not know, try it, said the gynaecologist.

The following day rang an exhausted but happy woman. -last night he kept on all night, what would happen if I gave him the whole bottle?
No idea, you'll have to try the gynecologist said.

But after nearly three weeks without anyone calling, one day a young boy called the gynaecologist,

Was it you who gave mom that strange medic pills who she gave to my dad?

Yeah that was me. Has it worked?

It can be said.

My mom Is dead, my sister is pregnant, I have a sore ass and now he sits in a corner and say, come kitty, kss, kss, kss

[Xwetie]

There was a swedish guy who moved to Sydney and went to the big
department store to look for jobs. The manager asked if he had any
sales experience and the guy said he was salesman at home.
- Okay, so the manager who liked the guy, "You can start tomorrow at trial.
I'll come down after closing time and check how it goes for you. "

After the deal had closed, the Manager came down and asked
guy how many customers he had today.
"just one!" Said the Swede.

The director shouted:
"Only one? Normally our sales between 20 and 30 customers pr day.
How much bought the customer? "


"$ 201,237.64" the guy said.
"201,237.64" Manager exclaimed in surprise.
"What did you sell him?"

"First, I sold a small fish hook, then a roll of fishing line, then a
large fish hook, then a fishing equipment. Then I asked where he
would go fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told
him that when he needs a boat so we went to boat section
and I sold a Criscraft with twin engines. Then he
unsure if his Honda Civic would be able to pull the boat
so I went with him to the car department and sold a Nissan
Pajero 4x4 for him. "

Manager in surprise:
"You mean a guy come in here to buy fish hook and you
selling a boat and a car to him? "

The guy:
"No, no, no, he came in to buy tampons
to his wife and I told him that since the weekend
yet it is destroyed so you might as well go fishing. "

[Xwetie]

The man went to the doctor and complained of premature ejaculation, the doctor said try to scare yourself when you approach so you can hold it in longer. Said and done, the man bought himself a starter pistol.

The day after he went back to the doctor who asked how it went. It went wrong said the man said to the doctor, me and my wife were in a 69 position and when it was close, I pulled off a shot .. And ..? the doctor said .. The wife became so frightened that she bit off half of my dick, shit on my face and the neighbor jumped out of the closet with his hands over his head.

[Xwetie]

What is it like to have sex in a canoe and drinking Corona?


Answear: Fucking close to water.

[Xwetie]

Easy way to enlarge your breasts
A man had grown tired of his wife constantly asked about how she looked. That he had purchased a full-length mirror to her did not help. One day when she stood and watched herself, she began to complain that her breasts were too small.

The man then came up with a proposal. - "If you take some toilet paper and rub it between your breasts once a day then you should probably see that your breasts will get bigger."
Willing to try anything for the sake of looks, got the woman a piece of paper and started to rub.

"How long does this before it starts to work?" the woman asked.
"They will get bigger in a few years" the man replied.
The woman stopped her treatment and asked, "Why would my breasts become larger after a few years just because I rub toilet paper between them?"
The man shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "Why not? Has it worked on your butt so it works well on the breasts."
The man survived. With hard training and physical therapy, he may even be able to walk again.

[Xwetie]

[Master]

I am not saying @Gandalf is pale and thin but his wife pulled back the sheets and remade the bed without realising he was still in.

[Dia bando]

As I understand it Jehovah Wittiness do not celebrate Halloween, they don't like random strangers
turning up and Knocking there DOOR.

[Xwetie]

A girl came scampering home from school one day.
- Mom, mom, she said. We counted at school today, and all the others could only count to four, but I counted to 10, Do you wanna hear? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!
- What good you are, replied the mother.
- It's because I'm blonde, the girl said.
- Yes, it's because you're blonde, replied the mother.
The next day the girl came home from school whooping.
- Mom, Mom, today we read the alphabet and all the other kids could only say to D, but I could until I G! Do you want to hear? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!
- You are so talented my girl, praised the mother smile.
- It's because I'm blonde, said the girl.
- Yes, it's because you're blonde.
The next day the girl came hopping home from school.
- Mom, Mom, when we showered after gym today, I saw that all the girls had flat chest, but I have these I! shouted the girl, pulled up the shirt and showed a pair of well-developed breasts.
- You are so clever my little friend, the mother said.
- It's because I'm blonde, the girl said.
- No, replied the mother, it is because you are 24.

[Master]

An interview for a job.

Q What has been you greatest accomplishment?
A Writing my novel.
Q I meant something you achieved whilst at work?
A Yes. I wrote it while at work.

[Stickgrappler]

Q: Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck in a crack.


My 16 yr old daughter told my 13 yr old daughter and me that joke and we both cracked up (pun intended!)

[Stickgrappler]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world:

Those that can read binary and those that cannot.

[Stickgrappler]

Superman was flying around Metropolis when all of a sudden he seen Wonder Woman half naked on a rooftop with her legs open.

He thought to himself, "if I go as fast as possible I could go down, f*ck her and get out of there before she even knew what was going on"

So with all his speed he flew down, f*cked her hard, fast and left in a matter of milliseconds.

Wonder Woman in shock said "wtf was that?"

Invisible man replied "I don't know but my a$$ is killing me"

[Stickgrappler]

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

Bartender asks what’s up with the paper towel.

Pirate says: Arrrgh, there’s a bounty on my head.