As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is
inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the
Guide for taking a dump at work.
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not
area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't??know where it came
careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check
other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not
you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did
it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.
joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should
not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water.
reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom.
help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after you have
up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone
and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell
exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
A colleague who poos at work and is proud of it. You will often see
Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing
without incident. This group can help you to monitor the??whereabouts
Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite gender .
will reduce the odds of a pooer of your gender entering the bathroom.
Someone who does not realise that you are in the cubicle and tries to
the door open. This is one of the most??shocking and vulnerable
can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that
in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that
occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt??that the cubicle is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so
pooer can poo in peace.
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This
an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create
diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in the
water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a Camo-Cough with
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the??pot. An
makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
to??poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the