Any good jokes ????

[Master]

What is the difference between Abu Dhabi and Dubai?

People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones but ABU DHABI DOOOO.

[Master]

Vincent Van Gogh is spotted in a bar by his mate who says to him "do you want a beer?"

Van Gogh replies "No thanks, I've got one ere"

[Master]

Sorry I am late I missed the number 14 bus so had to catch two sevens.

[Master]

One legged woman went into a shoe shop and bought a flip.

[Master]

I went swimming the other day and got shouted at for peeing in the pool. In fact, they shouted so loud I nearly fell in.

[Batman]

The girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarisbrokencanyoucomeoverandgivemeanal ternative"

Anyone know what "ternative" means?

[Batman]

So I had just ran a bath and then I start tugging off my boxers when I thought to myself ...

"I dont half spoil these dogs"

[Xwetie]

Do you have a magic coffee table?

https://youtu.be/O1_QTm-wpsY

[Master]

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Electric eels are much louder than acoustic eels.

What were electric eels called before electricity was discovered?

A lorry laden with vicks vapour rub has spilled its load on the motorway. Police say there will be no congestion for at least 8 hours.

[Master]

Disappointed with the travel insurance for my forthcoming camping holiday. Apparently if the tent is stolen, I am not covered.

Let me drink about it and get back to you.

I can cut a plank of wood by just looking at it. Seriously, I saw it with my own eyes.

If I discovered a new animal I’d call it a Quorn just to really wrong foot vegetarian’s.

[vidgil]

What does Bill Clinton tell Hillary after sex?


































I'll be home in 10 minutes

[Master]

A friend told me I was delusional.
I almost fell off my unicorn.

[Master]

We called our granddad Spiderman, not because he was a super hero but because he struggled to get out of the bath.

Just failed my chair exam. I am going to have to re-sit.

If women are so great at multi-tasking why can't they have sex and headache at the same time.

Just been bitten by a German Shepard, but he apologised and even let me stroke his dog.

My wife has just informed me sex is better on holiday. I found that a very hurtful postcard.

[Master]

I can not get to the bottom of streaking.

[Beanz]

A Jewish father was very troubled by the way his son turned out and went to see his rabbi about it.

“Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week, he’s decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”

The rabbi strokes his beard and says, “Funny you should come to me. I too, brought up my son as a boy of faith, sent him to university and it cost me a fortune and then one day he comes to me and tells me he wants to be a Christian.”

“What did you do?” asked the man of the rabbi.

“I turned to God for the answer,” replied the rabbi.

“What did he say?” asked the man.

He said, “Funny you should come to me...”