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Thread: Any good jokes ????

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    This Jewish guy goes to board a bus and asked the driver for one senior discount ticket. The driver, seeing the Jewish guy is around forty says sorry sir you need to be over 62 for the senior discount. The argument goes on for several minutes with the Forty year old Jewish man demanding the senior discount and the bus driver refusing. Finally the driver gets so mad he stands up, grabs the Jewish guys duffle bag and tosses it off the bus onto the street. The Jewish guys starts yelling at him oh snap just cause I don't want to pay the full fare doesn't mean you have to kill my son.

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    Just met a microbiologist. He was a lot bigger than I imagined.

    How many conspiracy theorist does it take to change a light bulb? We'll probably never know the truth.

    I hope that in 2017 scientist find a cure for natural causes.

    Still waiting for the wife to tell me what my new year resolutions are.

    to those that suffer a skin condition a belated merry eczemas.
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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    Miss Whiplash was not what I expected. She arrived in a neck brace and with her solicitor.

    If I was being subjective, I'd say my favourite rock band is the Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was the Whom.

    You think you're until you are asked to choose a "user name".

    Told the shop manager water keeps leaking out of my new bath. He said I needed a plug. The swine never told me it was electric.

    Got an email saying "at Google Earth we can read maps backwards". Surely, that's spam?
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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    I woke up from a bad dream last night. My heart was pounding and I was sweating bullets. I rolled over and told my wife "Honey, I'm really tense right now, and the only thing that could calm me down is a blowjob".

    She says "where are you gonna find a guy to blow at this time of the night?"

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    Just got a job making rubber computer keyboards. The shifts are flexible.

    Just written a book on how to cut onions. Read it and weep.

    Threw Domestos over our vicar yesterday. I've been charged with a bleach of the priest.
    Do not let success go to your head and do not let failure get to your heart.

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    Ok this ones from Conan:

    I used to have this German girlfriend and she used to grade me on my sexual performances from 1 to 10. So one night I decided to try anal and I think I'm doing awesome as she keeps screaming out Nein, Nein, Nein.

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    Almost got away with a speeding ticket by telling the WPC that she was stunning and looked beautiful. Ruined it by adding "and that is not the drink talking".

    When I die I want the word "Humble" etched on my gold plated statue.

    2 lions are walking along the Blackpool Pier. One says to the other one "Quiet for a bank holiday Monday isn't it?"

    Quick way to lose weight. Subtract your birth weight because you haven't gained that bit.

    What's big and grey with horns? An elephant brass band.
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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    Kellyanne Conway

































    no, really............... that's the whole joke

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????


    So, this bloke and a giraffe walk into bar, drunk. The giraffe falls asleep on the floor.

    The barman looks over, "What's that lying there in the floor?"

    Fella replies, "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe"
    If God wanted us to be vegetarians, why are animals made of meat ?

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    My wife up and left me for being too insecure.

    Oh wait never mind she's back, just went out for a coffee.

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    People tell me that when they drink coffee they can't sleep. Interestingly, when I sleep I can't drink coffee.

    I've just made up a new word. Plagiarism.

    rice is great when you are hungry and really want 1000 of something.

    The easiest way to add insult to injury is by signing someone's cast.
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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    kick your ass

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    Quote Originally Posted by Boxing24 View Post
    kick your ass
    Are you the new PK?
    Do not let success go to your head and do not let failure get to your heart.

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    I'm really worried the Trump administration is going to deport my Mexican mother-in-law, who lives at 435 Oak Street and gets off work at 6.

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    Default Re: Any good jokes ????

    Why did the banker leave his Job?

    Because he lost interest.

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