Any good jokes ????

[Master]

Those were quality jokes by Memphis of course it was me.

[Neil_Hines]

Lol, great thread.

[Alpha]

We've probably heard these before but for a laugh -


What's the difference between a zit and a priest?

A zit will wait till your 12 till it comes on your face.



Why did the guitar teacher get fired from school?

For fingering a minor.



Why does Dr Pepper come in a bottle?

coz his wife died.

[goti71]

What has 20 feet and smells of piss?
The conga at an old people's home.

[Master]

A sign outside a church says "What is missing Ch__ch".

[Batman]

whats got 14 windows that wont open?

keith chegwin's advent calendar.

[Xwetie]

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?" .... see my point ?

[Dark Lord Al]

A guy takes his wife to her high school reunion , and he notices she keeps staring at a man on the next table who is drinking heavily.

He asks her " Do you know him " ?

The wife reply's " He used to be my boyfriend , when I broke up with him he has been drinking ever since ".

The husband reply's " WOW I didn't think anyone could celebrate for that long " !!!!

[brocktonblockbust]

Nice joke there Al.

Now here's one:

Morrissey.

[goti71]

What does the bully astronaut say to the new astronaut on the international space station?

"You're dead outside".

[Master]

Read these jokes they are classic.

Q: Name the site Chewbacca created to give out Empire secrets.
A: Wookieeleaks

Q: Which app do Jedi use to open PDF files?
A: Adobe Wan Kenobi

Q: What did Yoda say when he gave Luke Skywalker his sports car?
A: May the Porsche be with you

Q: Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothes?
A: At the Darth Maul

Q: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?
A: To get to the Dark Side

Q: What is a stormtrooper's favorite TV show?
A: Game of Clones

Q: Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?
A: So it doesn't Hang So-low

Q: Why can’t you count on Yoda to pick up the bar tab?
A: He's always a little short


Q: What do you call a pirate droid?
A: Arr2-D2

Q: What do you call a Jedi in denial?
A: Obi-Wan Cannot Be

Q: Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant?
A: Darth Waiter

Q: What do you call someone who tries too hard to be a Jedi?
A: Obi-Wannabe

Q: Why is a Jedi knight never lonely?
A: Because the Force is always with him

Q: What kind of money do they use in space?
A: Star-bucks

Q: If Darth Vader was a Disney character, what song would he sing?
A: "When You Wish Upon A Death Star..."

[goti71]

I hope I haven't posted one before.

The parable of the clever son.
An old man lying on his deathbed summoned his three sons.

“I will give each of you a penny, my children,” he said in a trembling voice. “The one who can buy something to fill the whole house with will inherit my house and all my possessions.”

The first son went out and bought a bale of hay but the hay was barely enough to fill even the smallest room.

The second son went out and bought a cart-full of feathers but the feathers were barely enough to fill a second room.

Then the third son went out and bought a little candle.

“A candle?” laughed his brothers, “What a fool”.
But when he lit the little candle, the house filled with light and the two brothers were amazed.

Proletariat version:

Wait! I’m in this too!” said the fourth illegitimate son, bursting into the room.

“Go back to the stables, Bastard! You have lots of work to do!” said the brothers.

But then the bastard son let out a long, intense fart, which filled the whole house instantly.
“There,” he said. “And that was for free. Who’s the bastard now, then?”

[Dia bando]

A young lady goes to the doctors doctor I am have discharge he says drop your knickers get on the table he gives her a good internal exam he says how does that feel Marvelous but the discharge is coming out of my ears.

[Master]

"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day."

[walrus]

"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day."

Ha ha