Any good jokes ????

[Saddo]

Not sure if i have posted this one before but here goes...

what's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot ?

one is a Kangaroo and the other is a Geordie trapped in a lift.

[Andre]

Two blow flies floating on turd going down a sewer.
One turns to the other and says

"So shall we eat first, or do we get into the piss?"



(This is very funny in Australia cause thats what we say at BBQs
piss = beer.

[Andre]

Bobs is on his death bed and he calls out for his wife.

She comes in and he says " You know Marge I remember when we were just married and we bought the farm and we had to go through the 15 year drought and you stood by me.

Then I remember the bank fore closed on the farm and we had sell and you were there by my side.

In the great depression things got even tougher and there you were right by my side again.

And now, here we are at my own death bed and here you are again Maude right by my side; "Im starting to think you're nothing but bad luck."

[Dia bando]

Went swimming last night in the local pool needing a piss I had a crafty piss in the
deep end fuck I almost fell in when the lifeguard shouted.

[roberto duran legend]

Martha recently lost her husband.She brought his ashes home and poured him
out on the patio table. Whilst tracing her fingers through his ashesshe began talking
to him. 'You know that fur coat you promised me ? i got it with the insurance money'
'Remember the new car you promised me ? bought that as well' 'Also the emerald
necklace ? got that too. 'Remember that blow job i promised you ?
get fucking ready.

[roberto duran legend]

My wifes sister knocked me out yesterday. what sort of a sick bitch puts
chloroform on her dirty knickers.

[roberto duran legend]

In the sleepy village of Erbum near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire,
lives a woman called Linda Lykes . she is the land lady of the local pub,
the Cockwell Inn. For some unknown reason, she gets embarrassed
whenever she receives her post.
Linda Lykes
The Cockwell Inn
Erbum
Tillet
Herts.

[roberto duran legend]

Man comes home and catches his mate shagging his wife, so he stabs
him to death. His missus says' fucking carry on like that and you wont
have any mates left'.

[Dia bando]

Why do husbands die before there wife's because they want to.

[Master]

Chubby Brown joke:-

Wife and husband in bed both reading. Wife says to husband “Do you want sex?” Husband replies “No”. A short time later wife again asks “Do you want sex?” husband says “No I don’t, and will you stop asking”. A short time later wife again asks “Do you want sex?” Husband says “No I do not want to have sex”. Wife then says “why do you keep touching my pussy then?” Husband says “I am reading and need something to keep my finger wet when I am changing the page in the book I am reading!”.

[roberto duran legend]

Roy Hodgsons first England team, just announced.
1. Wobinson
2. Wichards
3. Bwidge
4. Tewwy
5. Wio
6 Bawwy
7. Wwight Phillips
8. Gewward
9. Wooney
10. Cwouch
11. Stuwwidge.

[roberto duran legend]

I have been seeing this nurse for a few days and we finally got round
to having sex. As i stripped off i said " you must have seen a few cocks
where you work, how do you rate mine ?"' she said " its slightly bigger
than average." I said " Thanks, what sort of nursing do you do anyway? "
She said " im a midwife."

[roberto duran legend]

The chief executive at the F.A. has just spoken to Roy Hodgson to tell him
" dont forget we have no Wayne for the first two matches" to which Hodgson
replied " i dont need a fucking weather forecast you pwick.

[Andre]

Doctor rings up an old bloke and asks him 'Is your wifes name brenda smith?' yes says the guy, is everything ok? The doc says look we've had mix up with the paper work here we have two Brenda Smiths unfortunatley one has gonorrhea and the other has Altzhiemers until we get more tests done we cant tell which is which and we dont wish worry any of them unduly in the mean time. What can I do asked the old guy. the doc says 'send her down the supermarket on her own, if she comes back dont root her.

[Andre]

Blonde driving gets pulled over by a blonde cop. She says show me your license please miss.
'What does a licence look like?' she asks.
"Its an oblong thing about this size with a picture of you on it" says the cop.
She produces her compact mirror and asks 'is this it?'
the cop said "Oh if I knew you were a cop I wouldnt of pulled you over."