Any good jokes ????

[Alpha]

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.


When does a sandwich cook?

When it's bakin' lettuce & tomato.


Did you hear about the female rapper that only performed when she was on her menstrual cycle?

They said she had a mean flow.

[Master]

I am a serial liar.

No I am not.

[X]

[tomjack]

CC I like that. I am in law school.....this is a good joke.

I'm getting ready to be in law school (hopefully) ...yes this is quite funny

[Master]

I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.

Trump is nothing like Hitler. There is no way he could write a book.

I have given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?

I am looking for the girl next door type. I am just going to keep moving house until I find her.

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it 'brella' but just hesitated.

Combine Harvesters, and you get a really big restaurant.

I am rubbish with names. It is not my fault, it is a condition. There is a name for it....


I have 2 boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house.

I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died...which is a good thing because he trod on a land mine.

Whenever someone says "I do not believe in coincidences", I say "Oh my god, me neither!"

[Batman]

come on @Master credit where its due

Master the joke thief, literally copy and pastes the jokes and removes the names

I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change. - Ken Cheng

Trump is nothing like Hitler. There is no way he could write a book. - Frankie Boyle

I have given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point? - Alexei Sayle

I am looking for the girl next door type. I am just going to keep moving house until I find her. - Lew Fitz

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it 'brella' but just hesitated. - Andy Field

Combine Harvesters, and you get a really big restaurant. - Mark Simmons

I am rubbish with names. It is not my fault, it is a condition. There is a name for it.... - Jimeoin


I have 2 boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house. - Ed Byrne

I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died...which is a good thing because he trod on a land mine. - Olaf Falafel

Whenever someone says "I do not believe in coincidences", I say "Oh my god, me neither!" - Alasdair Beckett-King

[Master]

I sold them these jokes so that they could take the limelight away from me.

[zahra1234]

nice sharingggg

[El Kabong]

First they came for the mimes, and I said nothing because I am committed to the craft

[Batman]

My favourite sex position is the JFK... I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

[X]

[Master]

[Master]

[Memphis]

A man walked into a pet shop.

I'll have a tropical fish please.

Do you want an aquarium?

I dont give a fuck what star sign it is mate.

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How do you treat someone thats become addicted to counselling?

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MY girlfriend left me because of my impotence. There were no hard feelings.

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My girlfriend said I've been taking my detective work home with me too much. She thinks we should split up. Great idea I said, we can cover more ground that way.

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I feel sorry for midget parents. No matter how hard they work, they still struggle to put food on the table.

----------------------

I phoned the local gymnastics centre and asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. They said how flexible are you? I said I cant do Tuesdays or Thursdays.

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I was reading a book the other day. The history of glue. I couldnt put it down.

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I saw a man playing dancing queen on a didgeridoo. I thought that's Aboriginal.

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It's West Indian hair day at work next week. Im dreading it to be honest.

[Batman]

A man walked into a pet shop.

I'll have a tropical fish please.

Do you want an aquarium?

I dont give a fuck what star sign it is mate.

------------------

How do you treat someone thats become addicted to counselling?

------------------

MY girlfriend left me because of my impotence. There were no hard feelings.

------------------

My girlfriend said I've been taking my detective work home with me too much. She thinks we should split up. Great idea I said, we can cover more ground that way.

---------------------

I feel sorry for midget parents. No matter how hard they work, they still struggle to put food on the table.

----------------------

I phoned the local gymnastics centre and asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. They said how flexible are you? I said I cant do Tuesdays or Thursdays.

-------------------------

I was reading a book the other day. The history of glue. I couldnt put it down.

----------------------------

I saw a man playing dancing queen on a didgeridoo. I thought that's Aboriginal.

-------------------------

It's West Indian hair day at work next week. Im dreading it to be honest.

@Memphis has been hacked by @Master