So... this Duck walks into a Pub.....

[BIG H]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham
sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, 'Hang on! You're
a duck.'

'I see your eyes are working,' replies the duck.

'And you can talk!' exclaims the barman.

'I see your ears are working, too,' says the duck.
'Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my
sandwich please?'

'Certainly, sorry about that,' says the barman as
he pulls the duck's pint. 'It's just we
don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing
round this way?'

'I'm working on the building site across the
road,' explains the duck. 'I'm a plasterer.'

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants
to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a
newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his
sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman
says to him 'You're with the circus, aren't you?
Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your
circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the
newspaper and everything!'

'Sounds marvellous,' says the ringmaster, handing
over his business card. 'Get him to give me a call.'

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman
says, 'Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a
top job, paying really good money.'

'I'm always looking for the next job,' says the
duck. 'Where is it?'

'At the circus,' says the barman.

'The circus?' repeats the duck.

'That's right,' replies the barman.

'The circus?' the duck asks again. 'That place
with the big tent?'

'Yeah,' the barman replies.

'With all the animals who live in cages, and performers
who live in caravans?' says the duck.

'Of course,' the barman replies.

'And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof
with a hole in the middle?' persists the duck.

'That's right!' says the barman..

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ....








































































' What the fuck would they want with a plasterer .

[Bookkeeper]

Big H stop the madness

[BIG H]

Big H stop the madness

[Shamrock]

How do you get a fat girl into bed.....














































..... it's a piece of cake

[smashup]

Man goes into a supermarket balanced on two Dracula lookalikes and starts shoplifting from the top shelf..

Security caught him and he was charged with Shoplifting on two Counts

[Dark Lord Al]

Mick Hucknall of Simply Red fame , has been charged by police for BESTIALITY.
He was caught f u c k i n g a rabbit, he was holding back the ears , shouting " bunnys to tight to mention"