Hi Mick, the flight was frankly appalling, Gwaihir was 'busy' and said he couldn't allow even one of the junior eagles to fly me over. He's never been the same with me since Thorin died.
The twats in Rohan offered to catapault me over by trebuchet, har har very funny. In the end Gandalf commanded some Bywater ducks to fly me over the water. It took six of them on rotation to carry me, and they moaned the whole way, even threatening to drop me into the Channel if I didn't stop gripping so hard, frankly I was hanging on for dear life
When I got to the door VD pretended he couldn't see me and shut the door in my face, literally.
Eventually JT Rock let me in, but only after he had me recite the ten tenets of righteous Old Guard living. When I couldn't remember the last one, he made me write out 'We are not a clan, clique or club' a thousand times before they let through the door.
As you always insist on announcing the fighter of the year and the best awards first by the time I got in and sat down all I had to enjoy was the 'Worst fight of the Year' award and 'highlights' of Klitschko Ibragimov.
To top it all off the ducks wern't at the harbour to take me home after the show and after lengthy pleadings with the local Gauls they decided it would be nostalgic for me to be stuck in a barrel and towed back to England off the back of a dredger.
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