What get's your goat? What makes you rant?

[ono]

Ok here's my list. Told you it was long.

1: People who hold doors open for you when you're too far away from them, so you have to run a little bit and then fucking thank them, for making you run like a pillock.

2: People who call you Pal. Mate is ok, Bud is ok. Pal is condescending. So is Chief actually.

3: People who take dogs on buses (excluding the blind) and then watch you to see your reaction to said dog sniffing around your feet.

4: People who tell you their dog won't bite you. How the fuck do they know? They don't!

5: People who automatically go 'aaaawwwwww' when they see a picture of a baby, or a puppy, or a kitten.

6: People who feel the need to make small talk with you because they can't stand the silence. It's akward. I don't care how you are today, nor did i care yesterday. I don't really like you. I don't care if you're busy and i don't need your opinion on the weather.

7: People who change their tone at the end of a sentance inadvertingly making it sound like a question. Receptionists tend to do this. Why are you talking in questions?

8: Chav's talking slackly, but very loudly on buses.

9: Shitty, tinny mobile phone music on buses/trains. I don't wish to listen to N-Dubz rap about knobbing his cousin, nor do i need to be repeatedly told that Wiley isn't wearing his rolex by a 13 year old chav via a stolen Blackberry Torch.

10: Wankers who use any excuse to get their i-phone out. Was at the cinema last week and some wanker in front of me wanted to know what time 'The Social Network' started. Instead of looking at the fucking board like everyone else, he declared he was going to look on his i-phone as he has an app for it. What a twat.

11: Touch screen phones. Just fuck off. You're shit.

12: Small children who stare at you on buses. It's ok until the parent catches on and then gets the kid to wave at you. What a fucking nightmare.

13: Restaurants that charge ridiculous prices for pointlessly over the top food

"Black Forest Wrapped Norfolk Chicken Breast filled with Caramelised Onions and Smoked Mozzarella served on Fire Roasted Pepper Ratatouille"

What the fuck is that all about?

14: James Corden

15: Call centres. What is the point? Seriously. In the very odd event that i actually get somewhere close to being where i should be, i feel like buying them a medal or a trophy. That's how much they have lowered my expectations, by putting me through to Grounds Keeper Willy when i want to cancel my Sky account, or by telling me they've put a note on the system before passing me onto somebody else who tells me there's no note on the system. No worries, i'll just explain everything all over for the 4th time. And then when you tell me i've got the wrong department, you'll kindly cut me off whilst 'attempting' to put me through to the right one.

16: Green Flag National Breakdown hold music. It's 'Rescue Me'. The idea is great, but it's not so fucking great when you've been on hold for 35 minutes and you're stranded on the M62 in a fucking blizzard. Some twat will have been given a bonus for thinking up that idea aswell.

17: Daft women in Asda who genuinely have no idea how old people are so they just fucking ID everyone who looks under 40. Tried to buy 'The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo' on dvd. It's an 18. I'm 25. That's a 7 year aggregate. Infact no, it's an 8 year aggregate because i'd be allowed to buy the film if i was 18. The cashier didn't really look like a bloke, nor did it look like a women. Her name was Cheryl. I had no ID. The film is in Swedish. How many 17 year olds are trying to buy 18 rated Swedish films from Asda? None. How much of a jobsworth do you have to be? You're a cashier in fucking Asda! Why make the customers experience as miserable as your own?


18: People who order YOU to get up out of your chair and go over to THEM when they want to show you something. One person at work will go 'Jonny, come here'. I'll go over and she'll go 'Doesn't Cheryl Cole look a right dog there'. I'm a 25 year old bloke. I don't care.

19: My Dad shouting me down to look at another crash on Speedway. I understand he loves them. I don'd mind the actual crashes. It's him fiddling with the Sky remote i can't stand. Rewinding everything in X2. It takes fucking ages. X30 motherfucker. I haven't got all day. If i say anything, he has to put his glasses back on to find the button that he's already pressing. Infuriating.

20: Brian Swanson's eyes. Watch him, looking around football forums on his i-phone to give the next 'exclusive'. Then watch his always alert eyes. Widening with every pretend exclusive he's just passed on. What an absolute wanker. Why don't you go and stand outside the wrong building in Milan again like you did when City tried to sing Kaka all day you wanker.

Here's a picture of the deadline day wanker

21: People referring to themselves in the 3rd person. Like Ricky Hatton. "If Floyd stands toe to toe with Ricky Hatton, he'll get fucking eaten". Ha-Ha. That went well for you.

22: Pressing the price on a vending machine. I wouldn't mind a Lion Bar. 65. Fuck i've keyed in the price by accident. Now i've got a a tube of Polo Mints. What a shit day!

23: People who ask you questions when you quite clearly have your mouth full with food, and you have to point at your mouth and roll your eyes. You then have to wave your hand around to further signify that you're chewing, whilst nodding your head. Meanwhile they stare back at you like a cat.

24: People who guess the time when you ask them for it. I could do that my fucking self. Err it's about quarter to 4? Ah well that settles it then. Cheers.

25: People who start every sentance with the word 'mate'. You should be on Hollyoaks with that twat-like talent.

26: People who talk about how drunk they were last night. 'Aww mate i was wasted last night. Fucking Mental". Nob heads.

27: People who work in phone shops. I'm really a scrote, but i'm wearing a suit today to dupe you into a false sense of security. I'll pretend i once had the same phone as you and then i'll tie you down to a 36 month contract for a phone that will be shit by Christmas. Don't worry though, we've given you unlimited texts, but we've decided on a fair usage policy which means we'll pluck a number out of thin air and just fucking bill you whenever we feel like it.

28: Tramps who use any of the following to entice money out of your pockets

'I'm not a vampire'
'I'm not a crocodile'
'I'm not a dinosaur'

I know you're not. You're a tramp. That's why you're asking me for money

29: Daft Women who think death comes in 3's and if their hip hurts it means it's going to start raining. How have you got through life?

30: Ready Meals. They're nice and very convenient, but why the fuck doesn't the film lid peel off in one fucking go? Why do i have to stab my knife into and rip it open with my bare hands, burning myself in the process. Sometimes it tricks you. You pull, it starts to peel, but it just peels around the outside of the film, now leaving a film lid on that now has zero chance of ever peeling off.

31: Sky Anytime. What a load of shit. Fuck i forgot to watch 'An Idiot Abroad'. Panic over, it'll be on 'Anytime'. I press the red button and all i get is shit Jennifer Aniston films, Coach Trip, and Kirstie Alley's Big Life. Superb.

32: People who get Japanese Symbol Tattoo's. I know, i'll insult an entire culture and get my name spelt in lettering from a country i've no intention of ever visiting. Then i'll audition for Hollyoaks.

I feel better now. Well a little.

[amat]

1: People who hold doors open for you when you're too far away from them, so you have to run a little bit and then fucking thank them, for making you run like a pillock.



10: Wankers who use any excuse to get their i-phone out. Was at the cinema last week and some wanker in front of me wanted to know what time 'The Social Network' started. Instead of looking at the fucking board like everyone else, he declared he was going to look on his i-phone as he has an app for it. What a twat.

15: Call centres. What is the point? Seriously. In the very odd event that i actually get somewhere close to being where i should be, i feel like buying them a medal or a trophy. That's how much they have lowered my expectations, by putting me through to Grounds Keeper Willy when i want to cancel my Sky account, or by telling me they've put a note on the system before passing me onto somebody else who tells me there's no note on the system. No worries, i'll just explain everything all over for the 4th time. And then when you tell me i've got the wrong department, you'll kindly cut me off whilst 'attempting' to put me through to the right one.

These are my favorites, especially the app ones. People do it for fucking everything. To that same point, people who try to play a song for you over their phone. They just hold it up for you to lean in and you can't really listen because you have a dude gaging your reaction.

28: Tramps who use any of the following to entice money out of your pockets

'I'm not a vampire'
'I'm not a crocodile'
'I'm not a dinosaur'

I know you're not. You're a tramp. That's why you're asking me for money

This one, ummm I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.

[ono]

1: People who hold doors open for you when you're too far away from them, so you have to run a little bit and then fucking thank them, for making you run like a pillock.



10: Wankers who use any excuse to get their i-phone out. Was at the cinema last week and some wanker in front of me wanted to know what time 'The Social Network' started. Instead of looking at the fucking board like everyone else, he declared he was going to look on his i-phone as he has an app for it. What a twat.

15: Call centres. What is the point? Seriously. In the very odd event that i actually get somewhere close to being where i should be, i feel like buying them a medal or a trophy. That's how much they have lowered my expectations, by putting me through to Grounds Keeper Willy when i want to cancel my Sky account, or by telling me they've put a note on the system before passing me onto somebody else who tells me there's no note on the system. No worries, i'll just explain everything all over for the 4th time. And then when you tell me i've got the wrong department, you'll kindly cut me off whilst 'attempting' to put me through to the right one.

These are my favorites, especially the app ones. People do it for fucking everything. To that same point, people who try to play a song for you over their phone. They just hold it up for you to lean in and you can't really listen because you have a dude gaging your reaction.

28: Tramps who use any of the following to entice money out of your pockets

'I'm not a vampire'
'I'm not a crocodile'
'I'm not a dinosaur'

I know you're not. You're a tramp. That's why you're asking me for money

This one, ummm I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.

It's an English thing. Bums as you would call them approach you in the streets and rather than ask for money they give you a sob story, but they always start off by pointing out that they're not a crocodile or an aligator or any form of scary animal/mythical beast. Then they try and sell you a shit £3 booklet that contains adverts.

[Oggie]

People who are needlessly stingy. Millionaires picking up pennies etc...
People who moan about having so little money all because they are unwilling to touch their savings account.
People who worry about and save mercilessly for their future all the time. Enjoy life while you are alive. The present is the only guarantee you have!
People who don't appreciate how awesome the earth truly is, and how it is there to be explored, discovered and enjoyed... if you just step out of the routine of normality that is.
Double standards.
Preachers.
Corruption.
Liars.
Narrow mindedness.
Ignorance.
Arrogance.
Snobbery.
Trade Unions (most of the time!)
People who stress about fashion.
Chanel, Luis Vuitton, Prada, Versace etc etc... and the brain dead fucks who actually buy into that shit.
Huge 4X4's that take up the width of an entire road and are being driven by people who have absolutely no use for them. City types, you know... Take your fucking Toyota Hiroshima out of our way!
People who take out a massive mortgage and then moan about how hard it is to pay off.
People taking offence on behalf of others.
The illusion of freedom that all governments portray.
And lastly, people who moan their way through their life. If the road is too bumpy for you, then get off the fucking bus and make space for others.

[El Kabong]

It's an English thing. Bums as you would call them approach you in the streets and rather than ask for money they give you a sob story, but they always start off by pointing out that they're not a crocodile or an aligator or any form of scary animal/mythical beast. Then they try and sell you a shit £3 booklet that contains adverts.

At least they try to sell you something our fucking bums tell you about how their aunt died and they need to buy a bus ticket or some crap like that.

One bum told me "Hey, boss man, you look like you could give a person a job, I'm just trying to make some money so I can get a bus ride back home, I told this fella over here I'd sweep this sidewalk (a city sidewalk) for a 'sammich' "....so I guess he was confused as to if he wanted to go home more or eat or maybe he thought he could pay for a ticket with the sandwich ......excuse me 'sammich' or maybe he was so tanked up on crack he figured he could ride the aforementioned 'sammich' to his destination.

I do hate pan handlers

[0james0]

Forum posters, facebook posters, actually anyone who thinks it's funny to write or say: confused.com, simples or any other catch phrase copied from a shit tv advert.

Dentists who insist on talking to you, asking questions, when they know full well you can't answer because your mouth is full of their fucking fingers!

Tramps/ bums, get a fucking job and you won't be homeless.

Forum hard men, your so big and clever when your sat behind a computer screen. Get a life.

Really fat people who claim to have a disability. Your not disabled, you are just fat!

People with a million friends on facebook. No one likes you in real life so stop pretending.

Parents who can't control their kids and laugh as they trash your stuff while saying "he's so naughty, ha ha" of course he is, discipline the little bastard.

Women comedians. I know it's sexist but they are just not funny.

Quorn or what ever the fake meat is called, fake meat burgers, sausages etc. You made your choice, if you don't want meat, don't eat the fake stuff. If you crave meat, eat the real thing for fucks sake. If you are a vegie, don't try and make me eat your fake meat, telling me it tastes just like the real thing. No it doesn't, it tastes like shit.

People who stink. Like really stink, of piss and other smells. Have a wash please, surely you must realise you stink?

[Youngblood]

^^

facepalm.gif

[Andre]

Good lists funny as.

You guys have reminded of one other.

Couples who gripe over never having enough for their familes to get by. Yet they smoke and drink as a priority over their childrens well being.

I fukkin point it out to them. That way i dont get to ever have to talk to them ever again its a fun win/win.

[yvonne]

Lazy bone idle chavs over here in the uk that breed 10 kids and cause a fucking headache wherever their move to.There's just too many idiots like these over here in the uk that sit on the fucking arses and rake in loads on cash from tax payers money.Ok i dont work at the moment due to the recession and cut backs in the uk,but im trying my damn hardest.I've applied for 90+ jobs soo far and only had 3 interviews.Its really hard times and it fucking makes my blood boil when you see,hear and read about people who fucking bum off the goverment and get free houses and loads of benefits due to having loads of kids and declaring that their cant work because there is'nt any and if soo their too busy having the kids to look after.I heard one family on t.v not soo long ago say that it was'nt their fault that their have 6 kids and their not working....."I mean,FUCK sake stop popping out fucking kids then you fucking thick twats!!"worse of it was that she said live on t.v that she want more kids(saying it with a smile of her face).Her and her boyfriend are getting £40,000-£50,000 a year just on benefits.Fucking knocks me sick!!!!!!Even druggies and alcoholics are getting more benefits because their state that their have a addiction problem.....and their get it too.Im just a normal guy wanting to work.I've applied out of town and the surrounding area,im looking for work every day,im phoning up for work as much as possible with no luck whatsoever.I've worked hard ever since i've left school and it fucking does my head in knowing other scum are better off than me by cheating our(UK)system.Total piss take!!!!Rant over!!!!!!!!

[Youngblood]

Lazy bone idle chavs over here in the uk that breed 10 kids and cause a fucking headache wherever their move to.There's just too many idiots like these over here in the uk that sit on the fucking arses and rake in loads on cash from tax payers money.Ok i dont work at the monent due to the recession and cut backs in the uk,but im trying my damn hardest.I've applied for 90+ jobs soo far and only had 3 interviews.Its really hard times and it fucking makes my blood boil when you see,hear and read about people who fucking bum off the goverment and get free houses and loads of benefit due to having loads of kids and declaring that their cant work because there is'nt any and if soo their too busy having the kids to look after.I heard one family on t.v not soo long ago say that it was'nt their fault that their have 6 kids and their not working....."I mean,FUCK sake stop popping out fucking kids them you fucking think twats!!"worse of it was that she said live on t.v that she want more kids(saying it with a smile of her face).Her and her boyfriend are getting £40,000-£50,000 a year just on benefits.Fucking knocks me sick!!!!!!Even druggies and alcoholics are getting more benefits because their state that their have a addiction problem.....and their get it too.Im just a normal guy wanting to work.I've applied out of town and the surrounding area,im looking for work every day,im phoning up for work as much as possible with no luck whatsoever.I've worked hard ever since i've left school and it fucking does my haed in knowing other scum are better off them me by cheating our(UK)system.Total piss take!!!!Rant over!!!!!!!!

let it out brother. can't blame ya for being upset. 90 applications, 3 interviews...Jesus Christ.

[Master]

People who ask who are playing and what the score is on TV when it is written on the bloody screen which usually is my dad.

[Oggie]

Lazy bone idle chavs over here in the uk that breed 10 kids and cause a fucking headache wherever their move to.There's just too many idiots like these over here in the uk that sit on the fucking arses and rake in loads on cash from tax payers money.Ok i dont work at the monent due to the recession and cut backs in the uk,but im trying my damn hardest.I've applied for 90+ jobs soo far and only had 3 interviews.Its really hard times and it fucking makes my blood boil when you see,hear and read about people who fucking bum off the goverment and get free houses and loads of benefit due to having loads of kids and declaring that their cant work because there is'nt any and if soo their too busy having the kids to look after.I heard one family on t.v not soo long ago say that it was'nt their fault that their have 6 kids and their not working....."I mean,FUCK sake stop popping out fucking kids them you fucking think twats!!"worse of it was that she said live on t.v that she want more kids(saying it with a smile of her face).Her and her boyfriend are getting £40,000-£50,000 a year just on benefits.Fucking knocks me sick!!!!!!Even druggies and alcoholics are getting more benefits because their state that their have a addiction problem.....and their get it too.Im just a normal guy wanting to work.I've applied out of town and the surrounding area,im looking for work every day,im phoning up for work as much as possible with no luck whatsoever.I've worked hard ever since i've left school and it fucking does my haed in knowing other scum are better off them me by cheating our(UK)system.Total piss take!!!!Rant over!!!!!!!!

[Spicoli]

Lil Wayne....dirty little fucker needs to take a shower in bleach

[Jimanuel Boogustus]

7: People who change their tone at the end of a sentance inadvertingly making it sound like a question. Receptionists tend to do this. Why are you talking in questions?

Hahaha! Yeah good one. Don't you find that it's kinda Australian?

See what I mean?

I also hate people who speak in a constant croak. I'll probably have to find a video to highlight exactly what I mean but I fucking hate it anyway!

[generalbulldog]

Lazy bone idle chavs over here in the uk that breed 10 kids and cause a fucking headache wherever their move to.There's just too many idiots like these over here in the uk that sit on the fucking arses and rake in loads on cash from tax payers money.Ok i dont work at the monent due to the recession and cut backs in the uk,but im trying my damn hardest.I've applied for 90+ jobs soo far and only had 3 interviews.Its really hard times and it fucking makes my blood boil when you see,hear and read about people who fucking bum off the goverment and get free houses and loads of benefit due to having loads of kids and declaring that their cant work because there is'nt any and if soo their too busy having the kids to look after.I heard one family on t.v not soo long ago say that it was'nt their fault that their have 6 kids and their not working....."I mean,FUCK sake stop popping out fucking kids them you fucking think twats!!"worse of it was that she said live on t.v that she want more kids(saying it with a smile of her face).Her and her boyfriend are getting £40,000-£50,000 a year just on benefits.Fucking knocks me sick!!!!!!Even druggies and alcoholics are getting more benefits because their state that their have a addiction problem.....and their get it too.Im just a normal guy wanting to work.I've applied out of town and the surrounding area,im looking for work every day,im phoning up for work as much as possible with no luck whatsoever.I've worked hard ever since i've left school and it fucking does my haed in knowing other scum are better off them me by cheating our(UK)system.Total piss take!!!!Rant over!!!!!!!!

£50,000 converted to the USD is equivalent to $81,300. That's fucking awesome. I want to go to the UK now and pop out a few kids with my girlfriend and just freeload off the government. I have to admit I kind of like the laid back atmosphere of Western Europe. I think in France you can have 2-3 month vacations and get full pay with benefits, not to mentioned free healthcare is all over Western Europe. The only downside are the high taxes, but hey I can live with that.

Work? Fuck that. Just get yourself some hoodrat slut, pop out a few kids and collect 80k annually, and with the free healthcare it would be a paradise, not to mentioned subsidized housing is part of the package too I bet.