I'm drinking more than I should

[Batman]

I've always had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but over the last 5 years or so I've really got it under control.

Back in the day when I was at my worst I would drink 3 bottles of wine every night between Monday to Thursday, over the weekend I would probably do 2 crates of stella 2 bottles of Jager and a bottle or two of vodka, that was a pretty standard weeks worth of drinking for me, I realized that I was basically a functioning alcoholic and reigned it in big time.

Now I'll allow myself 8 cans of Stella on a Friday and and every now and again I'll have between 6 or 8 cans of Stella on a Thursday as well.

Everything has gone to shit though, the people who know me on this forum know that I don't especially like other people at the best of times, but working from home for 6 months seems to be taking its toll on me, I don't like people but I appreciate that maybe I need people, I live alone and the only chance I get to see my mates is of a weekend, me and my mates all come from a drinking culture so when we see each other we invariably get on a session which is fine.

Once I've seen them though I feel like I need a break and I want to have a weekend to myself so I am often going 14 days with no face to face contact with anyone.

Even that is fine but my problem is being stuck in a one bedroom flat 24 hours a day, I'm finding that the 8 cans that I have been happy with for the last 5 years just isn't enough and I'm constantly drinking that and then moving onto to the spirits, just lately it hasn't been unusual for me to do 8 cans and half a bottle of rum and then get up for work and then go out and do the same again the following night.

I've got a lot of shit going on as well which doesn't help and sometimes I just want to have a drink and put my music on and fucking forget about everything but that always leads to depressing music and me searching for fucking oblivion.

I've been going to the gym a lot more but I know that when I hit the drink like I have tonight I'm gunna be on it for the next three days then I'll need a few days recovery.

I honestly don't know what I want from you lot, support from a bunch of faceless people on the net or just the chance to vent, I don't know.

I envy people who don't drink or people who can drink sensibly, its something I pretended I could do for a good few years but obviously I'm always one step away from a total relapse.

Well I suppose I'm gunna let out a massive sigh and go and pour another glass of rum...cheers

[NoSavingByTheBell]

Bro, for whatever its worth, it wouldnt hurt to try this: Don't try to make any deals with yourself like a dieter who says "Im not eating today, I gotta lose weight", because as the experts say, it'll only make it worse once you DO start eating again, i.e. you'll only gain back all the weight and even more. More like, maybe try arranging it so that after every 2 cans of beer, you promise yourself to drink half a pint of water for example. Then 2 more cans, then a half pint of water or juice. This may fill up your stomach faster (as well as re-hydrate you since alcohol is a diuretic and will seriously dehydrate you). Also, If after every 2 cans of beer you are drinking a pint of water, you are cutting 33% of your alcohol-drinking time out of your schedule, and ultimately you will drink 33% less. This is real progress, rather than just trying to cut it all out at once.

[Master]

It is good that you acknowledge that you have an issue, that is a good start.

There are places that can support you go through this phase. Alcohol use, mental health and domestic violence is on the rise because of lock down. I will pm you some numbers for counselling and support.

Get out and get some fresh air, go for a run, exercise, socialise more to get out of this rut which is hard to get out of.

[Dia bando]

I've always had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but over the last 5 years or so I've really got it under control.

Back in the day when I was at my worst I would drink 3 bottles of wine every night between Monday to Thursday, over the weekend I would probably do 2 crates of stella 2 bottles of Jager and a bottle or two of vodka, that was a pretty standard weeks worth of drinking for me, I realized that I was basically a functioning alcoholic and reigned it in big time.

Now I'll allow myself 8 cans of Stella on a Friday and and every now and again I'll have between 6 or 8 cans of Stella on a Thursday as well.

Everything has gone to shit though, the people who know me on this forum know that I don't especially like other people at the best of times, but working from home for 6 months seems to be taking its toll on me, I don't like people but I appreciate that maybe I need people, I live alone and the only chance I get to see my mates is of a weekend, me and my mates all come from a drinking culture so when we see each other we invariably get on a session which is fine.

Once I've seen them though I feel like I need a break and I want to have a weekend to myself so I am often going 14 days with no face to face contact with anyone.

Even that is fine but my problem is being stuck in a one bedroom flat 24 hours a day, I'm finding that the 8 cans that I have been happy with for the last 5 years just isn't enough and I'm constantly drinking that and then moving onto to the spirits, just lately it hasn't been unusual for me to do 8 cans and half a bottle of rum and then get up for work and then go out and do the same again the following night.

I've got a lot of shit going on as well which doesn't help and sometimes I just want to have a drink and put my music on and fucking forget about everything but that always leads to depressing music and me searching for fucking oblivion.

I've been going to the gym a lot more but I know that when I hit the drink like I have tonight I'm gunna be on it for the next three days then I'll need a few days recovery.

I honestly don't know what I want from you lot, support from a bunch of faceless people on the net or just the chance to vent, I don't know.

I envy people who don't drink or people who can drink sensibly, its something I pretended I could do for a good few years but obviously I'm always one step away from a total relapse.

Well I suppose I'm gunna let out a massive sigh and go and pour another glass of rum...cheers

Mate in my twenties I was terrible with drink, 15 pints a night Thursday to Sunday by Sunday I had spent up.
What happened well I decided enough was enough ! yes drink was getting a hold of me I would stay in the pub all day and night Friday to Sunday sometimes.
I stopped drinking for 6 months I went out just drank bitter lemon or tonic water I lost weight felt much better.
I started drinking but just a few pints but I was know longer living to drink.
Now I rarely drink I may drink a bottle of beer or a glass of wine.
More of a tea drinker now mate I hope you get your drinking under control take care mate.

[walrus]

Hey Batman. The first step of Alcoholics Anonymous is “ admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable” I’m not saying you are an alcoholic. Many view alcohol as a symptom of something other. Untreated or unmanaged anxiety, agoraphobia who the hell knows. I don’t know you from Adam but you seem like a good guy and if something is causing you problems it would be good to see it stopped.

[walrus]

@Batman battyman. I’m not preaching AA to you. But I always like the thing on “acceptance” in the big book of AA.
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God’s handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God.

[walrus]

Batman I don’t know if you are following along at all but that thing I quoted out the the big book does mention god a lot but AA has changed much over the years and it seems all they really talk about is a “power greater than yourself”. Especially now a days people get instantly turned off by any mention of god and AA’s primary purpose is to help people achieve sobriety not the god thing. It’s not the only way do it of course just bringing it up as I know a lot of people who get involved in it and say it helps a lot. I do bring some people on occasion although it’s difficult right now, a lot of the stuff is done on zoom or other such apps but they do have “face to face” meetings around. I’m just bringing up AA as some of the concepts are cool.

On a more serious note someone I work with was admitted to the hospital on 9/3. They tried to quit on their own and ended up having severe seizures. Just saying it can get pretty ugly for some. I know you are a big reader. There are a shitload of books on the subject. Maybe look at it from that side. Well whatever, best of luck, don’t know your thoughts now but things have a way of working out sometimes.

[Batman]

Well I had a monumental drinking session at my mates last night, fuck knows how much I packed away but it was a minimum of 12 pints of lager and 4 pints of cider with some rum thrown in on top.

Even though its excessive it was a good fucking night and despite the hangover I am feeling a lot better in general, I know that I'll get to grips with the solo drinking, I'm feeling like I'm in a much better headspace but its good to have this thread almost as a reminder to myself.

I'll be fine man, I'll get through this, I've beat the demon drink before and I'll do it again.