I'm drinking more than I should

[Batman]

I've always had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but over the last 5 years or so I've really got it under control.

Back in the day when I was at my worst I would drink 3 bottles of wine every night between Monday to Thursday, over the weekend I would probably do 2 crates of stella 2 bottles of Jager and a bottle or two of vodka, that was a pretty standard weeks worth of drinking for me, I realized that I was basically a functioning alcoholic and reigned it in big time.

Now I'll allow myself 8 cans of Stella on a Friday and and every now and again I'll have between 6 or 8 cans of Stella on a Thursday as well.

Everything has gone to shit though, the people who know me on this forum know that I don't especially like other people at the best of times, but working from home for 6 months seems to be taking its toll on me, I don't like people but I appreciate that maybe I need people, I live alone and the only chance I get to see my mates is of a weekend, me and my mates all come from a drinking culture so when we see each other we invariably get on a session which is fine.

Once I've seen them though I feel like I need a break and I want to have a weekend to myself so I am often going 14 days with no face to face contact with anyone.

Even that is fine but my problem is being stuck in a one bedroom flat 24 hours a day, I'm finding that the 8 cans that I have been happy with for the last 5 years just isn't enough and I'm constantly drinking that and then moving onto to the spirits, just lately it hasn't been unusual for me to do 8 cans and half a bottle of rum and then get up for work and then go out and do the same again the following night.

I've got a lot of shit going on as well which doesn't help and sometimes I just want to have a drink and put my music on and fucking forget about everything but that always leads to depressing music and me searching for fucking oblivion.

I've been going to the gym a lot more but I know that when I hit the drink like I have tonight I'm gunna be on it for the next three days then I'll need a few days recovery.

I honestly don't know what I want from you lot, support from a bunch of faceless people on the net or just the chance to vent, I don't know.

I envy people who don't drink or people who can drink sensibly, its something I pretended I could do for a good few years but obviously I'm always one step away from a total relapse.

Well I suppose I'm gunna let out a massive sigh and go and pour another glass of rum...cheers