British Quiz show responses - how thick are some people??!!

[Munkymagic]

Actual responses made on British quiz shows...

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?

THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?

Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!

NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the

initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?

FAMILY FORTUNES
1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword
2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the capital of France? - F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar
6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil
A famous Scotsman? - Jock
9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.
10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse
13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair
14) A famous Royal? - Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A bicycle with wings
16) A famous bridge? - The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
17) Something a cat does? - Goes to the toilet
1 Something you do in the bathroom? - Decorate
19) A method of securing your home? - Put the kettle on
20) Something associated with pigs? - The Police
21) A sign of the Zodiac? - April
22) Something people might be allergic to? - Skiing
23) Something you do before you go to bed? - Sleep
24) Something you put on walls? - A roof
25) Something slippery? - A conman
26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish
27) A jacket potato topping? - Jam
2 A food that can be brown or white? - A potato
29) Something sold by gypsies? - Bananas
30) Something red? - My sweater

RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.

THIS MORNING
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera. True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show,so I'll give you that.

BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four

BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?

DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No

[AdamGB]

CC

'Jool carriage way'

[Munkymagic]

My personal fave was this one from family fortunes

20) Something associated with pigs? - The Police

Ha ha!

[X]

There wasa radio 'phone in (I think it was radio Leicester), and the DJ woukld give a prize to the person who had sex in the most unusual place.

The woman he spoke to said ........
























.............."up the arse"


CLASSIC

[SimonH]

26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish

Always remember that, it was a black bloke, hence they never show it again, the bloke thought Les Dennis asked "Name a kind of Hach"

And then you had the 'Turkey' bloke on Max Bygraves Family Fortunes... who said 80's TV was shit?

[Saddo]

hahahahaha i have tears in my eyes after that hahahaha

CC

[Snakey]

hahahahaha i have tears in my eyes after that hahahaha

CC

After what? Steelie isnt behind you is he....coz that would explain the tears

[Phil]

24) Something you put on walls? - A roof

Brilliant

[Munkymagic]

26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish

And then you had the 'Turkey' bloke on Max Bygraves Family Fortunes

Quite possibly one of the funniest moments on a british gameshow that..

Fookin hilarious!

[dramaking]

My mother works for the courthouse, she brought home a list of the stupidest things people have said during a trial. see if I can remember a few.


attorney: "What gear were you in when you crashed the car?"
defendant: "Reeboks and Gucci sweat pants"


Attorney: "I'm gonna ask you quesions and I want all your answers to be oral"
defendant: "Ok"
Attorney: " do you know Dr. ______"
defendant: "oral"


Attorney: "when is your birthday?"
defendant: "May 17"
Attorney: "what year?"
defendant: "every year"


Attorney: "When you preformed the autopsy are you sure the man was dead?"
defendant: "yes, his brain was in a jar on my desk"
Attorney: "so there is no possible way this man was alive"
defendant: "He may possibly be alive and practicing law somewhere in the northern New Jersey area"

Attorney: "Are you sexually active?"
defendant: "no, I pretty much just lay there"

Attorney: "How did you know the man was dead?"
defendant: "He was shot through the back of the head and his body went undiscovered for close to 3 days"
Attorney: "but how could you be sure he was dead?"
defendant: "did you actually pass the bar exam?"

Thats just going on memory, there were a couple other ones