Thread: Hell

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with the Devil.

The Devil asked, 'Why so glum?'
The guy responded, 'What do you think? I'm in hell!'

'Hell's not so bad,' the Devil said. 'We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?'

'Sure,' the man said, 'I love to drink.'
'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!'
The guy is astounded. 'Damn, that sounds great.'

'You a smoker?' the Devil asked.

'You better believe it!'
'You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! . If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?'

'Wow, the guy said, 'that's awesome!'

The Devil continued. 'I bet you like to gamble.'

'Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.'

'Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker! , slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?'

The guy said, 'Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . '
'That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!'

'Wow,' the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, 'I never realized Hell was such a cool place!'

The Devil said, 'You gay?'

'No.'

'Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays...

Oh well, nothings perfect.

Good one. Ive never heard it before.

At least they'll high as fuck.

omfg!!!

Originally Posted by LEGION

Oh well, nothings perfect.

It is if you are homosexual. Maybe it is a religious joke.

Look on the bright side - as long as this hell isn't exclusive to blokes, they'll be women punished by homosexualisation too.. Fridays will be good viewing at least

Never thought of it that way but I am sure god as a window to observe such things from heaven, and I will be in the front row.

Originally Posted by Master

Never thought of it that way but I am sure god as a window to observe such things from heaven, and I will be in the front row.

Not to watch me getting bummed, I hope

Originally Posted by Master

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with the Devil.

The Devil asked, 'Why so glum?'The guy responded, 'What do you think? I'm in hell!'

'Hell's not so bad,' the Devil said. 'We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?'

'Sure,' the man said, 'I love to drink.'
'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!'The guy is astounded. 'Damn, that sounds great.'

'You a smoker?' the Devil asked.

'You better believe it!'
'You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! . If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?'

'Wow, the guy said, 'that's awesome!'

The Devil continued. 'I bet you like to gamble.'

'Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.'

'Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker! , slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?'

The guy said, 'Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . ''That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!'

'Wow,' the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, 'I never realized Hell was such a cool place!'

The Devil said, 'You gay?'

'No.'

'Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays...

nice joke.

Master, you started this thread so I'll use you as the main character in another hell joke>

Master dies and goes to hell, he finds himself sitting in a chair in the corner of a dirty little bedroom. He sees across sitting in the other corner an ugly woman. He then hears a booming voice say, "MASTER, YOU HAVE SINNED, AS YOUR PUNISHMENT YOU HAVE TO STAY IN THIS ROOM FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY WITH THIS WOMAN!"

Master yells, please forgive me, I see the error of my ways. Well just like that God sends him back to earth with the instructions to never sin again or he'll go right back to the room.

It wasn't long tell Master sins again and wham! Master finds himself sitting in a chair in the corner of a dirty little bedroom again. He sees across sitting in the other corner an ugly woman, uglier than the first one. He then hears a booming voice say, "MASTER, YOU HAVE SINNED, AS YOUR PUNISHMENT YOU HAVE TO STAY IN THIS ROOM FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY WITH THIS WOMAN!"

Master say's "lord I know you are all forgiving, give me another chance. Boom! he's back one earth with the same instructions to not sin again...he soon starts sinning again anyway....

Master finds himself sitting in a chair in the corner of a dirty little bedroom. He sees across sitting in the other corner Jessica Alba! He THINKS, alright, I made it to heaven this time! but then hears a booming voice say,
"JESSICA ALBA, YOU HAVE SINNED, AS YOUR PUNISHMENT YOU HAVE TO STAY IN THIS ROOM FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY WITH THIS MAN!"