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Friends? You do not get jokes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Batman
Aye, I'm glad that my donkey horse got on there but why Jennifer Anniston? Couldn't you have put one direction or sommet like that on there?Quote:
Originally Posted by MasterLaugh you miserable git, look at primo's profile you will like it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Batman
I know that she was in Friends but I still don't get the reference to PrimoQuote:
Originally Posted by MasterFriends? You do not get jokes.Quote:
Originally Posted by BatmanAye, I'm glad that my donkey horse got on there but why Jennifer Anniston? Couldn't you have put one direction or sommet like that on there?Quote:
Originally Posted by MasterLaugh you miserable git, look at primo's profile you will like it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Batman
Primo had a constant squabble with Ross no matter what the topic. So as punishment he had to state he missed him. Rachel loved Ross in Friends and now explaining it to you it does not sound so funny now. You have ruined it for me, hope you are happy now.Quote:
Originally Posted by BatmanI know that she was in Friends but I still don't get the reference to PrimoQuote:
Originally Posted by MasterFriends? You do not get jokes.Quote:
Originally Posted by BatmanAye, I'm glad that my donkey horse got on there but why Jennifer Anniston? Couldn't you have put one direction or sommet like that on there?Quote:
Originally Posted by MasterLaugh you miserable git, look at primo's profile you will like it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Batman
...you shouldn't do jokesQuote:
Originally Posted by MasterPrimo had a constant squabble with Ross no matter what the topic. So as punishment he had to state he missed him. Rachel loved Ross in Friends and now explaining it to you it does not sound so funny now. You have ruined it for me, hope you are happy now.Quote:
Originally Posted by BatmanI know that she was in Friends but I still don't get the reference to PrimoQuote:
Originally Posted by MasterFriends? You do not get jokes.Quote:
Originally Posted by BatmanAye, I'm glad that my donkey horse got on there but why Jennifer Anniston? Couldn't you have put one direction or sommet like that on there?Quote:
Originally Posted by MasterLaugh you miserable git, look at primo's profile you will like it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Batman
If you eat a dog, does God punish you with eternal Dalmatian?
Bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They do not make them like thy are going to. :)
My dad is still having regular sex at 75 which is a concern. and Mum live at number 37.
My dad believed in standing up when a woman entered the room which cost him his disability allowance.
At the age of three I was left an orphan. What the hell was I going to do with an orphan?
Any jerk can milk a cow.
If you dial 666, does an Australian fire engine arrive?
A man said "I want to slip".
His friend said OK and pushed him.
He fell to the ground saying "WTF ARE YOU DOING?"
His friend said "you said "slip" '
So he said "no, I said "sleep" '
so his friend said "OK, sweet dreams then" and pushed him again and knocked him out
has Master hacked your account?Quote:
Originally Posted by brocktonblockbust
It was a great joke.Quote:
Originally Posted by Batmanhas Master hacked your account?Quote:
Originally Posted by brocktonblockbust
Two monkeys are in a bath, and one goes "OOOH OOH OOH AAHH AAAAH OOOOH"
The other one says 'Sit down, you wimp, it's not that hot"
:pis2:
BWAHAHAHAHA see @Master thats how you tell a fucking joke
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
I saw that punch line a mile off.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side
I never realised how dark that joke was until recently
More like 3 miles. But it was worth it at the............ .......................end.Quote:
Originally Posted by Master
A Jew, a Greek and an Italian came up with a way to give God some money.
The Italian said: I'll draw a big circle on the floor, throw my money up into the air, and whatever falls inside the circle is mine. Whatever falls outside the circle I give to God.
The Greek said: Fuck that, I'll throw my money up in the air, and whatever falls down inside the circle, I'll give to God. Anything outside the circle is mine.
The Jew said: Fuck that! I'll throw my money up into the air. Whatever falls down is mine.
;D;D;D Guys, this thread is awesome.
See there is someone who appreciates my jokes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicolas
PK with a new ID.Quote:
Originally Posted by MasterSee there is someone who appreciates my jokes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicolas
Nicolas uses too many words.Quote:
Originally Posted by Primo CarneraPK with a new ID.Quote:
Originally Posted by MasterSee there is someone who appreciates my jokes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicolas
What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?
*
A πthon
It seems if your drunk and having sex in Iceland your banned not sure about Farmfoods I will check there rules.;D
What's the difference between a Cubs fan and a Socialist?
A Cubs fan can actually point to a success every 108 years or so.
What is the difference between God and a doctor.
God does not think he is a doctor.
http://i.imgur.com/IjHUeOM.pngQuote:
Originally Posted by Master
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
When does a sandwich cook?
When it's bakin' lettuce & tomato.
Did you hear about the female rapper that only performed when she was on her menstrual cycle?
They said she had a mean flow.
I am a serial liar.
No I am not.
:rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by El KabongI'm getting ready to be in law school (hopefully) ...yes this is quite funnyQuote:
Originally Posted by boozeboxer
I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.
Trump is nothing like Hitler. There is no way he could write a book.
I have given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?
I am looking for the girl next door type. I am just going to keep moving house until I find her.
I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it 'brella' but just hesitated.
Combine Harvesters, and you get a really big restaurant.
I am rubbish with names. It is not my fault, it is a condition. There is a name for it....
I have 2 boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house.
I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died...which is a good thing because he trod on a land mine.
Whenever someone says "I do not believe in coincidences", I say "Oh my god, me neither!"
come on @Master credit where its due
Master the joke thief, literally copy and pastes the jokes and removes the names
I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change. - Ken Cheng
Trump is nothing like Hitler. There is no way he could write a book. - Frankie Boyle
I have given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point? - Alexei Sayle
I am looking for the girl next door type. I am just going to keep moving house until I find her. - Lew Fitz
I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it 'brella' but just hesitated. - Andy Field
Combine Harvesters, and you get a really big restaurant. - Mark Simmons
I am rubbish with names. It is not my fault, it is a condition. There is a name for it.... - Jimeoin
I have 2 boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house. - Ed Byrne
I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died...which is a good thing because he trod on a land mine. - Olaf Falafel
Whenever someone says "I do not believe in coincidences", I say "Oh my god, me neither!" - Alasdair Beckett-King
I sold them these jokes so that they could take the limelight away from me. :)
nice sharingggg
First they came for the mimes, and I said nothing because I am committed to the craft
My favourite sex position is the JFK... I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
A man walked into a pet shop.
I'll have a tropical fish please.
Do you want an aquarium?
I dont give a fuck what star sign it is mate.
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How do you treat someone thats become addicted to counselling?
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MY girlfriend left me because of my impotence. There were no hard feelings.
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My girlfriend said I've been taking my detective work home with me too much. She thinks we should split up. Great idea I said, we can cover more ground that way.
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I feel sorry for midget parents. No matter how hard they work, they still struggle to put food on the table.
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I phoned the local gymnastics centre and asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. They said how flexible are you? I said I cant do Tuesdays or Thursdays.
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I was reading a book the other day. The history of glue. I couldnt put it down.
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I saw a man playing dancing queen on a didgeridoo. I thought that's Aboriginal.
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It's West Indian hair day at work next week. Im dreading it to be honest.