Any good jokes ????

[Batman]

BWAHAHAHAHA see @Master thats how you tell a fucking joke

[Batman]

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

[Master]

I saw that punch line a mile off.

[Batman]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side

I never realised how dark that joke was until recently

[brocktonblockbust]

I saw that punch line a mile off.

More like 3 miles. But it was worth it at the............ .......................end.

[brocktonblockbust]

A Jew, a Greek and an Italian came up with a way to give God some money.

The Italian said: I'll draw a big circle on the floor, throw my money up into the air, and whatever falls inside the circle is mine. Whatever falls outside the circle I give to God.

The Greek said: Fuck that, I'll throw my money up in the air, and whatever falls down inside the circle, I'll give to God. Anything outside the circle is mine.

The Jew said: Fuck that! I'll throw my money up into the air. Whatever falls down is mine.

[Nicolas]

Guys, this thread is awesome.

[Master]

Guys, this thread is awesome.

See there is someone who appreciates my jokes.

[Primo Carnera]

Guys, this thread is awesome.

See there is someone who appreciates my jokes.

PK with a new ID.

[Master]

Guys, this thread is awesome.

See there is someone who appreciates my jokes.

PK with a new ID.

Nicolas uses too many words.

[Batman]

What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?

*

A πthon

[Dia bando]

It seems if your drunk and having sex in Iceland your banned not sure about Farmfoods I will check there rules.

[El Kabong]

What's the difference between a Cubs fan and a Socialist?

A Cubs fan can actually point to a success every 108 years or so.

[Master]

What is the difference between God and a doctor.

God does not think he is a doctor.

[Batman]

What is the difference between God and a doctor.

God does not think he is a doctor.