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The man who invented auto correct has died. May he roast in piss.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbi...fe-girlfriend/
Bruce Dick in fan?
Quote:
Originally Posted by X
Thank fuck the story wasn't about his actual surname :-X
Are you now aware that you can't say:
"IRISH WRISTWATCH"
A guy at a bar late one night says to the waitress you know "I'd give you a thousand bucks if I could just give a little gentle bite to your nipples". She said thats a lot of money dude I'd have to think about that. She finally agrees and he get them out and teasers her nipples up, licking them gently massaging them up for a number of minutes and she says come on hurry up give them a nip. He says "What, No I couldnt possibly afford that"!
What do you get when you cross the Queen with Prince Phillip?
Killed in a fucking tunnel.
🤣🤣🤣
That is outstanding.Quote:
Originally Posted by X
floyd trying to spell out g.o.a.t
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
America.
told you!!!!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by ruthless rocco
Anyone laughing??????????
AgreedQuote:
Originally Posted by ruthless rocco
Blonde girl says to her friend: My boss raped me at the office today!
Friend: OMG! Didn't you fight back?
Blonde: How the fuck could I do that? My nail polish wasn't dry yet.
black tranny lives matter
The Idea Company
black dogs lives matter
AltoonaQuote:
Originally Posted by TIC
"Fred, Daphne & Shaggy, can you name one of Africa's big 5 animals?"
"Rhino!"
"I know you do Scooby, but it's not your turn!"
:cwm13: Can't figure out if the stereo type of blonds being dumb or rape being the new knee slapper is the punchline.Quote:
Originally Posted by goti71
Go with the former.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spicoli:cwm13: Can't figure out if the stereo type of blonds being dumb or rape being the new knee slapper is the punchline.Quote:
Originally Posted by goti71
That made I laugh ;DQuote:
Originally Posted by Beanz
I'm so proud!
One of my students gave me a Thank You card! They wrote: "Your the best English teacher I've ever had".
The man who invented auto correct has died. May he
roast tinned peas
It was only when it took three hours to finish my chicken soup that I realised the roof was leaking.
Isla St Clair married Barry White .
So she changed her name to .....
Isla White.
Things didn't go so well with Barry
So she divorced him and married Bryan Ferry.
She then became known as Isla White-Ferry.
Fell asleep at a party last weekend, and someone put a teabag in my mouth.
I went mental!!!!
No one treats me like a mug.
My mum ran a tarot card and tea leaf reading service. It was called Play your cards right with brews foresight.
I woke up this morning with a bit of a hangover. The alarm clock went off at about ten and the snooze button wouldn't work. I tried flipping the off switch but the thing just kept on beeping persistently. Utter agony for my brain.
So I grabbed it in my hand, stumbled over to to the kitchen and smashed it on the floor; Still it went on beeping like mad. I picked the damn thing up, examined it, and smashed it down on the floor again, and again, and again. Then I woke up, relieved to see that my precious alarm clock was still in one piece;D