The landlord said why are you looking,so happy I said my wife had one of those procedures done at the
hospital,today that would put a smile on most men's face's.He said a breast enlargement,? no I said a
post-mortem.;D
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The landlord said why are you looking,so happy I said my wife had one of those procedures done at the
hospital,today that would put a smile on most men's face's.He said a breast enlargement,? no I said a
post-mortem.;D
Paddy phones for a ambulance as Murphy has been hit by a car.
Operator asks where is he ? . Paddy says outside 28 Eucalyptus rd,.
Operator asks " how do you spell that ? " the line goes quite for 5 min.
Operator gets a bit worried, then Paddy says " sorry about that
i have just dragged him round to oak street".
I walked into my house to find the Missus gone and a note nailed to the wall,
"we have your wife , if you want to see her alive again we want £500,000.
Do not contact the police , we are very determined, await a phone call".
They were not joking about being determined, i have had 36 missed calls
from them already.
A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis. His doctor
tells him too ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk.
Later, his blonde girlfriend comes home and finds him with his cock
in a saucerof cold milk. Good heavens she remarks. I always wondered
how you re load those things.
A power cut in Irelands largest department store caused havoc earlier today,
some customers were stuck on the escalators for almost 3 hours.
slept like a lawyer last night. Lying on one side, then turning over and lying on the other...
I thought I would have gotten out of that ticket the other day. When pulled over by the cop, I told her "You are the prettiest woman I have ever seen in uniform". She started to blush, said thank you and put away her ticket book until I continued and said, "And that's not just the booze talking either"
I asked my parents if I was a gifted child. They replied "Well we certainly wouldn't have paid for you."
Got pulled over by a cop yesterday. He asked me, "do you know why I pulled you over?" I guess, "why did you forget?" wasn't the best reply...
My boss heard I write funny FB status. He asked me to send him one through email. I replied to him saying, "not now, I'm working." His reply? "That is very funny, send me another one!"
Parking spaces are like girls at a party ,if you get there late all the good ones
are taken. so when no one is looking you stick it in the disabled one.
I bought my wife some make-up,for her birthday to day she looked at it and said.
This has been tested on animals, that's why I bought it! I said what for well if it can make a monkey,
look good then maybe you have a chance;D
My wife asked me,if her appendix scar made her look unattractive my reply.
Don't worry love your tit's cover it.;D
Cowboy riding thru the dessert finds a lamp in the sand.
He rubs it... and out comes a genie.
"I'll grant you 3 wishes." the genie says.
"Ok... well first of all... I want the face of Brad Pitt."
Shazzamm!! "Done" the genie says.
"Ok now I want six-pack abs and huge pecs."
Shazzammm!! "One more" says the genie.
"Alright... I want to be hung like my horse."
Shazzammmm!!! "Ok... all done."
Cowboy rides back as fast as he can to his house and runs to the mirror.
"Alright!!" he says upon seeing his face.
"Yeah!!" he yells upon removing his shirt.
Then he undoes his pants.
"Holy fuck!!! I was riding my mare!!!"
Some Lawyer jokes are on page one.
I tried to merge two threads but the Lawyer thread tried to take over this thread, instead of just merging with it! Anyway Ive changed the title back to "Any good Jokes" and now the merge is up front as page one.
Fuck that procedure, going in reverse to what I wanted :mad:
That's not funny.......that's not funny at allQuote:
Originally Posted by Andre
I know ,you'd think if you were merging a small one page thread with a thread that is pages long and lives on a main board, the smaller thread would merge and not take over the whole thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by El KabongThat's not funny.......that's not funny at allQuote:
Originally Posted by Andre
As you say not funny :mad:.
I was talking to my father in law, he's at that funny age he got his Viagra and sleeping tablets mixed up the old guy went to bed and had 40 wanks.;D
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' toyer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "Mercedes thinks of everything!"
Today i bought myself some sensible walking boots and a rucksack and
went up to the peak district, walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat
on a dry stone wall and had a flask of coffee. then i walked another 5 miles
and had a biscuit and then i........ sorry im rambling......
I went to the doctors suffering from premature ejaculation he said
" it must be very stressful for your wife". I said "Well she used to take it on the chin,
but to be perfectly honest its getting on her tits now.":cool:
At school my favourite lesson was PE, probably because i had the biggest cock.
I remember i used to stroll around the changing room naked, flicking the
weaker kids with my towel whilst pointing and laughing at there little
dicks.....
Looking back i think thats probably the reason i was sacked.
yes this is very good
i laugh very much .
An attractive young lady is getting out of the shower when there is a knock on the
door."who is it " she shouts. "The blind man from the village" came the reply.
Oh well thinks the girl, if he is blind and all.So she opens the door naked. The man
looks her up and down and says, " nice tits, now where do you want me to hang
these blinds".
I rang babestation last night, the girl answered and said " hi what can i do for you...?
"Fucking hide" i said, i have lost the remote and my bird is coming down the stairs.
Armed police will be on duty during the olympics . Unarmed police will be on duty
during the paralympics.
Sorry for any offence caused.
A police spokesman said today they had caught a leper exceeding the national speed limit by over 50 MPH on the M6 motorway, apparently he left his foot on the accelerator.
I was on the web last night, looking at cheap flights the wife looked over my shoulder gets all exited,
they night in bed, I had some of the best sex I've had in years, did not no the wife was into darts.;D
Mother walks into her Daughters bedroom, there stand by the bed was her Son spunk all over the bed,
the Mother says that's disgusting, Son says don't look at me she spat it out.;D
The Chinese Paralympic 5 a side football team was announced today.
1 Sim Pul Twat
2 Won Lim Gon
3 Won Kee Eye
4 Fu Kin Mong
5 Wayne Rooney
Breaking news at the Olympics, the Irish team have just arrived at Beijing.
the Chinese Olympic team have impressed me they have used the same person for each event
Is it just me,or have you noticed how much these Chinese swimmers
have come on since Morecambe Bay 2004?
So far at the Olympics the Romanians have taken Gold, Silver, Bronze,
Copper, Lead, and anything else they can get there hands on.
These racist jokes are ok in the Olympic spirit. ;)
Not racist at all im a half irish /Romanian gypsie travelling around China,;)
Woman in with her doctor, looking down he see's a bit of lettuce stick out of her fanny , good grief woman what that, she say don't ask, it's just the tip of the iceberg.;D
Let me know when the good jokes show up.
Need a good laugh.
My son asked me, what's a conservative so I stole all his toy's, and gave them to the rich family next-door.;D
How do Australasians, like there steaks like there Gold Medals rare. ;D
That is half the story, you also would join that family as a non-director when you retire and live off their fat profits.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dia bando
Just been watching the ladies beach volleyball and there has already been
a bad wrist injury,i should be ok by the morning.