Brings new meaning to Bronzed Aussies :D.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dia bando
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Brings new meaning to Bronzed Aussies :D.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dia bando
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "F*** off, you won't bring it back."
Anal sex, is like your first car your Dad gives it you, but you don't really want it.;D
A man phone's up, work Talking to his boss I can't come into work I'm sick, the boss how sick are you
the answer I'm in bed with the daughter.:vd:
Told my parents that yesterday they fell about.Quote:
Originally Posted by roberto duran legend
They are in their 80's, both south Londoners.
My mum says: theres this older couple who go out to their favorite restaurant and while there, a young stunning woman comes up and pashes her husband ruffs his hair up smiles and walks off to the bar.
The wife asks whats that all about!? and the husband says "Oh well I may as well let you know that is my mistress".
The wife says its over and shes leaving him. And he says fair enough, but there wont be any more nights out in restaurants , no more diamond necklaces or holidays in the Caribbean. Just then his best mate walks in the door with a young bird under his arm. His wife looks at them and says who the hell is that!" HEr husband says oh thats Petes mistress" His wife turns to him and says "she isnt as pretty as our one."
Bloke comes home from the pub rolling up the stairs, His wife is furious and says after 12 again, what would you do if one night you come back and Im here with another man? He looks at her out of one eye and says "I'd shoot his dog."
Robin Van Persies house has been burnt down.....The police suspect Arsene.
A Jewish Dad and his son were sitting at the dinner table together. The son asks "Dad, can i borrow 40 Dollars?"
The Dad replies "30 Dollars!!!, what the hell you need 20 Dollars for?!?!?!"
When Susan’s boyfriend proposed, she says “I love the simple things in life but I do not want one of them for my husband”
Just been to Spain, and very reluctantly my wife agreed to take it up the ass, what a relief my suit case
was full , and I still had 6 pouch's of tobacco left.;D
Doctor: "It's bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer's." Patient: "Oh well, it could be worse - at least I don't have cancer."
Still waiting.. :rolleyes:
Your turn then Ghost. Best joke you've ever heard.
:ears:
milesQuote:
Originally Posted by Andre
There are Miles of posts.
Lets try not saying the M word for a whole day:-\
;D
Ok, No problem.Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenbeanz
Gandalf
:rolleyes:
I use to think disabled people were lower than me but after watching the para Olympics I have found a new respect for them. They are equal to me and in some cases better than me.
Yours Miles.
Some people on the front page here wont get it, cause Miles thread is hidden from them as you know until they grow a set and start posting they are stuck in never never land.Quote:
Originally Posted by Master
That's west of Ayr is it not.Quote:
Originally Posted by AndreSome people on the front page here wont get it, cause Miles thread is hidden from them as you know until they grow a set and start posting they are stuck in never never land.Quote:
Originally Posted by Master
Man walks into WH Smiths and says " Do you have that new self help book for men
with really small dicks ? " girl says " I dont think its in yet " He replies
" yeah thats the one''.
I walked up to the boss and asked " Where do you want this roll of bubble wrap?
he said " just pop it in the corner.....
Took me 3 fucking hours...........
Two blokes are in a pub.One says to the other," I fucked your mum last night.
We did everything.I did her up the arse.She gave me a tit wank, sucked my
cock,the lot. Shot my load all over her face to finish. " the other bloke puts
down his pint and says," Lets go home dad i think you have had enough to drink.
The missus came into my shed yesterday. " You are wasting your time and money
on all these inventions" she said.
It was at this point that the slap-a-cunt automatic 3000 proved her wrong....
My pet mouse Elvis died today. He was caught in a trap.
When watching the Paralympics it got me wondering......
If this lot can run faster than i can,swim better than i can,
lift heavier weights than i can,why the fuck do they need to
park closer to Asda than me.
Bought my misses a pair of shoes and vibrator for her birthday.
If she doesnt like the shoes she can...
Good news for the parents of Megan Stammers- she has just passed her maths oral.
I have just come back from the Hospital, I had to take a friend to A+E
he asked me to swat a wasp on his nose.
I just happened, to have a pan shovel in my hands at the time.;D
Just remember, when she starts to like it more...Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre
You'r history. :rolleyes:
I have shares in the plastic industry, I cant lose.
So you are the one that is causing problems at land fills. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre
Thats not our fault :mad: its the shonky chinese motors :-X that give out first, not the casings.;D
Haha imagine the moment of each one when they eventually break down!
;D hahaha its the definition of frustration..
Get them a good supply, of Eveready batteries.;DQuote:
Originally Posted by Andre
Catch A Rabbit
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!" ;D
I heard Megan Stammers and Jeremy Forrest were finally found in a whiskey bar.
He was on Glenfiddich, she was swallowing Teachers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dia bandoGet them a good supply, of Eveready batteries.;DQuote:
Originally Posted by Andre
I have no idea I was joking, but dont they make rechargeable or 240 volt ones?
Just cut the end off, my nob if you can help give me a bell.;D
Breaking news, a mob of dyslexic parents have just beaten up Jimmy Sommerville.