Serious post by me - am i doing the right thing?

Little bit of advice please guys. Want to make sure I am doing the right thing so please be honest.

On Saturday morning my wifes uncle passed away. He was one of those blokes who was loved by everyone and he was always the joker. Now before my wife went up to be with her family (i stayed at home to look after our kids 1 boy aged 4 ,1 girl aged 7 mnths) we said that on the day of the funeral I would stay at home with the children as they do not need to be seeing all that morbidity and our little boy is a sensitive little boy. He didn't really know this man to any great degree..only meeting him a few times when he was really young.

My wife comes back yesterday and says that it was the uncles wish that all the children attaned the funeral. I am in no way happy about this. She said it may teach them (or more so my littel boy as he is of an age to understand) that people do not last forever. I am getting the feeling she is letting her emotions cloud her judgement somewhat. I am prepared to let him attend the wake with all the other children but I am not prepared to let him see a box disappear into a hole or let him see it disappear behind a curtain, especially when there will be so much raw emotion in the room. Final wishes is one thing but I want to protect my boy.

Am I being unreasonable?


Its a touchy subject as my wife is quite upset.

to be honest I can see both sides of this, on the one hand the earlier they see this, have it explained to them then chances are they will be better able to handle this kind of event later in life, at the same time why should they go when it's not someone they knew (that may make it easier), as for his wishes, fair enough but he's dead. If he goes to the service he doesn't have to go them tipping him in a hole. If you sat at the back he wouldn't see that much and would probably get bored ;D if he did get upset you could take him out the back. Either way you can't win on this.

do what you feel is right mate what you really have to ask yourself is if it was your uncle and you wanted the kids to go and the wife said no...

how would you feel?

Personally i dont think its a bad thing for kids to go as they are too young and prob wouldn't give a shit and just treat it as a day out ;)

thats how i felt when i used to go to them as a kid ;)

you get dressed up and have funeral cake.....and whiskey if it's a catholic wake 8)

I do agree that he is going to need to learn about this sooner or later. My concern is all the negative energy in the room and the emotion. You are right though Missy this is one i can't win. I just feel he doesn't need such a huge introduction to death just yet.

Cheers for your replies guys. Clicks to everyone who replies.

I didnt allow my boys to go to my Dads funeral, no need for them to see everyone they know in pain. They know he's gone and wont ever be coming back. They didnt need to see his box being lowered to know that, my Mum wouldnt allow the box to be lowered until everyone had gone anyway.

You cant win mate, you will probably end up taking them. Just get through it the best you can. Make sure the baby is asleep for the service and play eye spy with the boy ;)

Tell them that he is not really dead, and that he will come back as a vampire.

Sorry guys i forgot to mention. Only serious replies get clicks ;)

Cheers

T'choh ............ and I thought I was being helpful !!
:-*

Well dude...id say your in the right. Ok they might not understand...what if they do and it scares the shit out of them? Plus theres nothing worse, sitting in a funeral and somebody has their kids there and they start balling there eyes out whether or not theyre upset by the event or not. Everyone hates funerals, theyre sad enough without having to worry how its going to effect your kids. When i was in yr 1 or something, my great gran died and she had baby sat me heaps so i was close to them but my sister and i were forbidden from the funeral as we were seen as too young to handle that event. I know its different coz we were actually close to the person who died and your kids werent but i still dont think they are ready for those facts of life yet.

If I think back to funerals when I was a kid, although I recall the sorrow of other people, I don't remember being that arsed....particularly if it was someone distant.

I just recall memories of being with my cousins and feeling part of a family.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by X

Tell them that he is not really dead, and that he will come back as a vampire.

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or a zombie! that's worse, tell your boy he only need worry about the vampires if he's a virgin, then make him watch salem's lot

I remember when my grandfather died, at the funural my only thoughts were who would be taking me to the football matches now He couldnt it made me worry. But then I thought scrap youre 24 take yourself.

I think you should do whatever you have to do to protect your little uns and thats all that matters

Not sure they need to be seeing all that sadness tbh - just my opinion

Good lucjk bud

personally mate i would take em.

i dont have kids so you can disagree.

but if it was his last wish, let it come true

depends how old the children are. I would take them to the service but not the actual funeral.

First thing, condolences to you and your family.

I have three children myself and I would take them. I would just sit in the back for an easy escape (if need be) and it would limit their ability to see what is happening. If you take them to the grave site, again just stay in the back. It limits what they can see, plus if the 4 yr old will probably play with the grass and the bugs. I wouldn't worry about it too much, like some people have already said they are young enough to not remember much about the actual funeral. Besides if the wife is saying to take them you will end up in a huge fight if you don't.

Tough one when it's his last wish :-\ It seems like you by not allowing it are going against the wishes of the deceased - which no one ever wants to do :-\

then again I'm sure he wouldn't want any of the kids being upset by it in the future.

but as has been said above i reckon your kids are young enough no to care what is actually going on - so maybe not such a bad move to let them go ??? ::**

had your eldest been 3 or 4 years older then I think it would have been a big No No

probably haven't helped at all here have I.... :-\

Emma - what would your cousin do?

The answer will then be the opposite of that.
:D

Cheers for all your replies guys clicks all round. What i am going to do is take him (i say him because its the 4 year old boy i'm worried about ,not so much the 7 month old girl) to the church service but sit at the back, if things get a bit heavy or if i dont feel its right we are going to nip out and play eye spy or something as memphis suggested. I am not taking him to the crematorium (he is being cremated) as i don't want him to see and feel that sort of emotion just yet. You're right he may well be bored but he is a sensitive little chap and he wont want to see the people he loves upset including his mummy. Have discussed this with my wife and now she also thinks this is for the best.

After that its booze for me at the wake and he gets to play with all his cousins ;D

Once again folks thanks for the replies :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by X

Emma - what would your cousin do?

The answer will then be the opposite of that.
:D

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ha ha click to you too mate

I think Emma's cousins answer would be "What kids?"

Glad to hear its sorted mate ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Munky

Cheers for all your replies guys clicks all round. What i am going to do is take him (i say him because its the 4 year old boy i'm worried about ,not so much the 7 month old girl) to the church service but sit at the back, if things get a bit heavy or if i dont feel its right we are going to nip out and play eye spy or something as memphis suggested. I am not taking him to the crematorium (he is being cremated) as i don't want him to see and feel that sort of emotion just yet. You're right he may well be bored but he is a sensitive little chap and he wont want to see the people he loves upset including his mummy. Have discussed this with my wife and now she also thinks this is for the best.

After that its booze for me at the wake and he gets to play with all his cousins ;D

Once again folks thanks for the replies :)

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Hope it all goes off okay fella (well as well as these things can)