I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Well, so many things on the roads piss me off! I could go on forever. I am in constant road rage constantly.
But their is a particularly annoying thing that i'm getting my own back.. :)
Let me paint the scene.
On the way home from work every night at the same time, I take an exit off the freeway, and it comes to a giant intersection that is always busy in the evening. There will probably be about 40 to 100 cars lined up heading into the intersection. There is 2 lanes which I can choose from, but I am turning left at the intersection, so I approach it in the left lane...
Running along next to the left hand lane though, is an emergency lane.. This is for emergency stopping (to keep you off the road), or amulances/fire/police etc. It runs along for about 1 mile, then about 50 metres from the intersection, it turns into a turning lane.
99% of cars drive appropriately, and wait until the emergency lane turns into a turning lane before they move into it.
BUT.... There are some fuckers that just pull straight into it and drive right along side all the traffic. Like there will be 80 cars stopped, moving about 1/4 mile an hour, waiting patiently doing the right thing. And then there are these odd people that think they are more important than everyone else and they don't have to wait in traffic, so they just jump into the emergency lane and drive past everyone..
This makes me INSANELY MAD!!! Hell, i'm sure 50% of the people lines up would love to do that.. But it's just pure cuntiness to do it..
So i've decided to do something about it....
I bought a big bag of Maltesers (Crispy malt balls covered in chocolate). They are about the size of your thumb nail around, or a little bigger.
Anyway, I have a big bag of those in my glove department, and as i'm pulling into the traffic que and stopping into the slow grind towards the intersection, I happily (no matter how cold it is) roll my left side window right down, and firmly fix my gaze into rear view mirror.. And wait.. Awaiting that first car that decide they are important enough to miss-use the emergency lane and skip past all the patient people.. So they pull into the emergency lane, and come speeding along past the stopped traffic,,,,
As they get to my car though, I take 2 or 3 maltesers into my hands, and throw them as HARD AS I FUCKING CAN, RIGHT at the side of their car...
BANG BANG BANG they go onto the peoples windows or doors or metal panels... FUCK IT IS GREAT!!! IT'S THE ULTIMATE THERAPY!!! I LOVE IT!!!
ALL the time I get mad at people and can't do anything about it, THIS MAKES UP FOR IT!!
My aim and timing is good now!!! In Australia drivers sit on the right hand side of the car, which is the side the chocolates hit.. And I can slap it right into their window pretty consistantly now!!! BANG BANG!!!
Just seeing someone doing something wrong, and knowing that you have in your hands, something that will get your own back... It's the ultimate!
I am absolutely DIEING for the weather to warm up a bit and people to actually have their windows down while they are flying past..
The JOY and PEACE I will feel knowing I have just slapped someone in the face with a couple of chocolate balls as the go past will be amazing!!!
I suggest EVERYONE find something that pisses them off, and find something to throw at it... :)
I feel like a new man now i've discovered this!!
And it's every night without fail.. I finish at 5pm, and at about 4:30, I start to get excited about that little traffic jam on the way home, where people are going to be doing the wrong thing,,,,, taking advantage of all the poor sods who actually want to do the right thing.. And I am going to be there. Ready.. Window down.. Maltesers loaded.. Arm cocked.. Ready to pommel the side of these fuckers cars with hard chocolates...
It's so fulfilling!!
I've only just got a taste for it.... But I already know without a doubt... I am a Vigilante for life!!!!
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Dizaster
Well, so many things on the roads piss me off! I could go on forever. I am in constant road rage constantly.
But their is a particularly annoying thing that i'm getting my own back.. :)
Let me paint the scene.
On the way home from work every night at the same time, I take an exit off the freeway, and it comes to a giant intersection that is always busy in the evening. There will probably be about 40 to 100 cars lined up heading into the intersection. There is 2 lanes which I can choose from, but I am turning left at the intersection, so I approach it in the left lane...
Running along next to the left hand lane though, is an emergency lane.. This is for emergency stopping (to keep you off the road), or amulances/fire/police etc. It runs along for about 1 mile, then about 50 metres from the intersection, it turns into a turning lane.
99% of cars drive appropriately, and wait until the emergency lane turns into a turning lane before they move into it.
BUT.... There are some fuckers that just pull straight into it and drive right along side all the traffic. Like there will be 80 cars stopped, moving about 1/4 mile an hour, waiting patiently doing the right thing. And then there are these odd people that think they are more important than everyone else and they don't have to wait in traffic, so they just jump into the emergency lane and drive past everyone..
This makes me INSANELY MAD!!! Hell, i'm sure 50% of the people lines up would love to do that.. But it's just pure cuntiness to do it..
So i've decided to do something about it....
I bought a big bag of Maltesers (Crispy malt balls covered in chocolate). They are about the size of your thumb nail around, or a little bigger.
Anyway, I have a big bag of those in my glove department, and as i'm pulling into the traffic que and slowly move forward, I have my left hand side window up, and my eyes firmly fixed into my rear view mirror.. Eagerly awaiting cars that decide they are important enough to miss-use the emergency lane.. So they pull into it and come speeding along past the stopped traffic,,,,
As they get to my car though, I take 2 or 3 maltesers into my hands, and throw them as HARD AS I FUCKING CAN, RIGHT at the side of their car...
BANG BANG BANG they go onto the peoples windows or doors or metal panels... FUCK IT IS THERAPUTIC!!! I LOVE IT!!!
ALL the time I get mad at people and can't do anything about it, THIS MAKES UP FOR IT!!
Just seeing someone doing something wrong, and knowing that you have in your hands, something that will get your own back...
I am absolutely DIEING for the weather to warm up a bit and people to actually have their windows down while they are flying past..
The JOY and PEACE I will feel knowing I have just slapped someone in the face with a couple of chocolate balls as the go past will be amazing!!!
I suggest EVERYONE find something that pisses them off, and find something to throw at it... :)
I feel like a new man now i've got to let this out!!
And it's every night without fail.. I finish at 5pm, and at about 4:30, I start to get excited about that little traffic jam on the way home, where people are going to be doing the wrong thing,,,,, taking advantage of all the poor sods who actually want to do the right thing.. And I am going to be there. Ready.. Window down.. Maltesers loaded.. Arm cocked.. Ready to pommel the side of these fuckers cars...
I'm declaring it right now everyone -----
I am now a Vigilante for life!!! I have felt nothing more fulfilling I don't think..
You can't do that in the Philippines. You will be shot immediately especially if you accidentally do that to the carnappers and kidnappers.
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Which state do you live in Dizaster?
Motorcylces..... Wish I could just open the side door once...
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
I am about the worst at road raging; but I came close several times getting shot for it, no joke. Of course I used to throw things like full cans of Sunkist or bottles of water at people, not little chocolate turd balls.
Take Bilbo with you and have him shoot gerbils out his arse from the back seat window.
Have fun; seems like you got all your priorities in place:rolleyes:;D
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Excellent idea Dizaster! The height of summer would be ideal, all the chocolate would be messy and melted.
Over time you might like to experiment with other materials.
A bucket of fish heads would be my own favourite or maybe some of those fire cracker snaps you throw on the floor to make a banging noise when your kids.
You could even engineer a vacuum cleaner full of maggots. Have the window wound down and when a car drives by stick aim it at the car and stick it on blow.
The fun you could have would be amazing.:)
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Dizaster!
Let those cunt fuckers keep driving in that emergency lane. They will get a heft ass fine by the police sooner or later. ;)
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
I've got a friend who says he can build an EMP gun fairly cheap - I've always dreamed of mounting one in the back of my truck so if anyone rides up on my ass like a NASCAR race, I can fry their car's electrical system, leaving them stranded on the side of the road with costly repairs....
any science geeks on here know if that might be feasible?
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Quote:
Originally Posted by
bcollins
I've got a friend who says he can build an EMP gun fairly cheap - I've always dreamed of mounting one in the back of my truck so if anyone rides up on my ass like a NASCAR race, I can fry their car's electrical system, leaving them stranded on the side of the road with costly repairs....
any science geeks on here know if that might be feasible?
:lol:
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Quote:
Originally Posted by
bcollins
I've got a friend who says he can build an EMP gun fairly cheap - I've always dreamed of mounting one in the back of my truck so if anyone rides up on my ass like a NASCAR race, I can fry their car's electrical system, leaving them stranded on the side of the road with costly repairs....
any science geeks on here know if that might be feasible?
Hmm seems feasible , but i favor a rocket launcher myself :)
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Only thing I'm concerned about that idea is if it's somebody with a pacemaker.
:shocking:
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Quote:
Originally Posted by
bcollins
Only thing I'm concerned about that idea is if it's somebody with a pacemaker.
:shocking:
Could it also take out all the cars on the road including yours??
I suppose you could buy a very old shitter of a car that basically doesn't have any electrics and that would work..
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Bilbo
Excellent idea Dizaster! The height of summer would be ideal, all the chocolate would be messy and melted.
Over time you might like to experiment with other materials.
A bucket of fish heads would be my own favourite or maybe some of those fire cracker snaps you throw on the floor to make a banging noise when your kids.
You could even engineer a vacuum cleaner full of maggots. Have the window wound down and when a car drives by stick aim it at the car and stick it on blow.
The fun you could have would be amazing.:)
I live in Victoria Ghost..
I would love for police to catch some of these bastards,,, but it never happens... There was another intersection like this where cars would ALL do this, except there was no turning lane at the end, so they actually had to cut traffic off to get back in, so that every car you saw going past, was actually going to be making you have to wait even longer in the traffic...
One day the police parked towards the end of that emergency lane, and all the bastards would pull out and zoom up not knowing the police where there..
Even then, the police didn't fine anyone.. They just sat there to stop them doing it. It was funny because the cars couldn't do their usual trick, and had to pull back into traffic, but NO ONE would let them back in... They had their indicators on, they had the nose of their car sqeezed into the traffic, but EVERYONE just kept cutting them off so they had to sit in the emergency lane for like 15 minutes, and ended up taking longer than if they had just done the right thing in the first place.
Unfortunately justice like that is 1 day in the thousand.. Police presence is next to non existant in my area....
And in such an area, the only option is for citizens to become Vigilantes!
Like me...
I have been trying to think of other things to throw actually... My girlfriend has been in the car a few times when i've been doing this, and she has tried to encourage me to throw full cans of coke as Legion suggested, and this big metal deodorant can..
However the projectile needs to pass 2 tests i've worked out
1. It is big and loud enough to get the drivers attention and realise that someone has just thrown something at their car for being a selfish cunt.
2. But not big enough that it makes the driver so mad that it's impossible for them not to stop and attempt to bash me..
The problem is before I was extremely mad at these people and would love one to stop... But with my throwing, i've calmed down.. In fact, I have inner peace while I am throwing things at cars.... And it's not exactly the state i'd want to confront a gigantic bikie who's car I have just dinted with a full can of coke...
But the chocolate balls are loosing their flavour so to speak... I want to step up the action... I want something that actually leaves a mark on the car..
I am giving genuine consideration to taking a smal bucket full of small nuggets of poo.... Human poo to be exact... Dizaster poo...
I human poo nugget slapping onto the side of their car would be the ultimate... It won't be big enough for them to stop. It won't be hard and loud enough for them to think serious damage has been done... But it genuinally distrupts their perfect little world...
Getting home and smelling human shit whenever they are around their car. Then finding a big smear of it... I would feel truely violated finding human shit on my car!!
This is the level I want to get these people.. I want to violate them..
Again, this idea of throwing poo in summer is really exciting..
With windows down, there is good prospect that I could throw a piece of turd in slap the driver right in the face!!!
Human poo slapping into your face would be the ultimate punishment for ANYTHING..
These people have to learn that drivers won't stand for this anymore!! They do it because they KNOW the police won't catch them, and there will be no punishment or retribution for their actions....
But now they will meet my punishment... And they deserve it!
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Good stuff we can get away with so much in this country ;D ,where are you heading of a night Diz and what freeway Tullermarine?Oh waht do you drive in case I feel like snack on the way home :D.
I had a labourer worked with me ony once, who was a nut,young and cheeky as type that would be swinging his head around all day in each direction looking at what other dudes are up to contantly wouldnt miss a trick.
We were heading up the frankstn freeway towards Mordialloc one morning and 'Egor' has siad have a look at this cunt Andre comming up here.
I looked behind us and theres this bloke in a sports car looking around to see if anyone has noticed him in his pretty car. I said you should lob a golly on him mate.So he snorts one up ,hangs out the passenger window and lobs it straight onto this cats front window as he overtook us on the inside.Should have seen his face.;D
Later that day we were in traffic comming home out the front of Cheltenham shops and a lady about 45 who looked like a school teacher type was parked next to Egors window and he is licking :lickish: the window up and down :lolhaha: ! She smiles frowns and waggs her finger at him. He winds it down and tries to talk to her, she wags her finger at him again and says "Your a naughty boy" and he nods his head at her and says "yeah fucking oath"; she just cracked up and drove off shaking her head.:lolhaha:
The people I have working for me, I had to pull over cause of tears of laughter once.
Now my daughters boy friend is along and he doesnt say much at all and Im the same old me just trying to have fun all the time...:-\.
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
A can of black spray paint Diz, Adjust the nozzle to squirt and just hold it low out the window and they do the stripe from the guards through the doors to the boot, all for you, be nice and dry by the time they get home and they wont notice you doing it ,oh could crack your door a peek and get them real low.:cool:
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Andre
A can of black spray paint Diz, Adjust the nozzle to squirt and just hold it low out the window and they do the stripe from the guards through the doors to the boot, all for you, be nice and dry by the time they get home and they wont notice you doing it ,oh could crack your door a peek and get them real low.:cool:
Now that's brilliant a brilliant idea!..
Could try and brew up some sort of concoction in a water pistol... Those things are great these days.. Just pump them a bunch of times and hold the button down...
I would really love to set up a bunch of metal pieces ahead of time that would pop their tires for just about everyone that drove on it... But I would hate for an ambulance to have to drive over it..
There was one time in high school we were on the school bus coming home from interschool sports and everyone still had their boxed lunches with them, so we were all throwing stuff out the bus windows at cars..
One of my friends who had extreme A.D.D. was the main one getting egged on... On one of these main roads running through esssendon he pulled an orange out, and as we came passed this cycled, through it as hard as he could... It was probably THE best shot I have ever seen as it adjusted for the speed of the bus, wind, the cyclist, and hit the guy so hard in the side of the head that the cyclist feel instantly off his bike and stacked all over the road.. The teacher saw this one though and he got suspended for a week...
Half the bus was in tears for the next 10 minutes though... You just had to nudge this guy and that was enough motivation for him to make a scene out of himself for a few laughs..
Re: I've stepped up my "vigilanteness"
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Dizaster
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Andre
A can of black spray paint Diz, Adjust the nozzle to squirt and just hold it low out the window and they do the stripe from the guards through the doors to the boot, all for you, be nice and dry by the time they get home and they wont notice you doing it ,oh could crack your door a peek and get them real low.:cool:
Now that's brilliant a brilliant idea!..
Could try and brew up some sort of concoction in a water pistol... Those things are great these days.. Just pump them a bunch of times and hold the button down...
I would really love to set up a bunch of metal pieces ahead of time that would pop their tires for just about everyone that drove on it... But I would hate for an ambulance to have to drive over it..
There was one time in high school we were on the school bus coming home from interschool sports and everyone still had their boxed lunches with them, so we were all throwing stuff out the bus windows at cars..
One of my friends who had extreme A.D.D. was the main one getting egged on... On one of these main roads running through esssendon he pulled an orange out, and as we came passed this cycled, through it as hard as he could... It was probably THE best shot I have ever seen as it adjusted for the speed of the bus, wind, the cyclist, and hit the guy so hard in the side of the head that the cyclist feel instantly off his bike and stacked all over the road.. The teacher saw this one though and he got suspended for a week...
Half the bus was in tears for the next 10 minutes though... You just had to nudge this guy and that was enough motivation for him to make a scene out of himself for a few laughs..
Yeah we got some dude right in the cods witha soggy orange one summer eve the Hailbury boys school unfoirm attracted that shot out of the truck.
