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Can regale a few drunken memorys of a group of us leaving a drunken friend in hartlepool covering him in shaving foam, writing "bumfights" on his head and just for good measure nicking his wallet, mobile phone and trainers for good measure.
Eventually the next night guilt set in and we picked him up from a police station
Sounds awful when i think about it now...but how we all laughed on the way home that night and thankfully he managed to see the funny side of it.......eventually ;D;D;D
Interesting question.
By the way ,never ask that out loud if you are ever doing time, the answer comes with a free game of charades.
I once super glued a teachers feet into her shoes. :(
I thought it would be so funny. It wasnt.
Her being a creature of habit with a strict routine. Knew I only had a window of 30 seconds at best to get the deed done and didnt miss my mark. When she was at the hospital getting them surgically removed, I realized it was a bad judgement call and I felt horrible.
I've not done all that many bad things to people. Though there was one time when I was about 17 and this geeky guy at school invited me to his birthday party and said I could bring my girlfriend. I thought he was a bit weird but to be nice said fair enough and I went. There was a lot of alcohol and I was on the vodka and orange most of the evening. Anyway, me and the girlfriend went out outside to be a bit intimate and in the middle of trying to touch her boobs, out came birthday boy. He saw me with my girlfriend and became quite shocked and thought I was molesting her against her will. He became so animated that I had to give him a bop on the nose. He fell onto the floor in a heap, got up holding his nose and ran away. The night was pretty much over after that. I think he deserved it, but it was the only time I have ever got violent with someone else. Not my style really, so that's as bad as I get.
:lolhaha: Great work Youngblood :lolhaha:Quote:
Originally Posted by Youngblood
I stuck a compass out of ones ass cheek once after picking a hole in a wall with it, she backed right up to my hole and had a compass on full tilt (the devil said to me "go go son go"), long story, sure you've read it before.
Ahh great.Quote:
Originally Posted by miles
;DWhat was his name? Nigel Smithsonian Watson the third?
Yeah he deserved it, :kick:"Nigel fuk off back to the house "
He was a bit of a strange dude. Even after that he was trying to be friendly to me, he would always offer to buy me a drink in the pub. I had no idea what to make of him.Quote:
Originally Posted by AndreAhh great.Quote:
Originally Posted by miles
;DWhat was his name? Nigel Smithsonian Watson the third?
Yeah he deserved it, :kick:"Nigel fuk off back to the house "
I broke a guys heart.:-\ It was so bad he moved to Scotland! And we all know what a shit hole that is :o
maybe he realised he was being a prat - even if you did smack his ass down.Quote:
Originally Posted by milesHe was a bit of a strange dude. Even after that he was trying to be friendly to me, he would always offer to buy me a drink in the pub. I had no idea what to make of him.Quote:
Originally Posted by AndreAhh great.Quote:
Originally Posted by miles
;DWhat was his name? Nigel Smithsonian Watson the third?
Yeah he deserved it, :kick:"Nigel fuk off back to the house "
Yeah, I think he quite liked me, whence inviting me to the party in the first place. I was always sociable with him after and would have a casual chat, but I wasn't very comfortable around him. He was very stuttery and awkward, not a good conversationalist. I was never really friends with him to begin with so it was all a bit strange.Quote:
Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missymaybe he realised he was being a prat - even if you did smack his ass down.Quote:
Originally Posted by milesHe was a bit of a strange dude. Even after that he was trying to be friendly to me, he would always offer to buy me a drink in the pub. I had no idea what to make of him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre
Me and my 4 of my friends we had a very "evil little unit... Damn well organized, doing bad things, but nothing that should stop me from going to heaven someday. Well, I think.
- One of our funny deed happened during winter around 3:00 am. It is not "too" cold so the snow is slightly wettish and sticky. Perfect evening ton piss off a more or less distant annoying neighbor. SO... We did build that kind of enormous snowman infront of his garage while he's sleeping, a couple of cm away from the door to make sure he cannot manoeuvre and avoid him in the morning. At least 1.75 meter, a good snowman. We put everything, a carrot for the nose and used I think oreo cookies to make him a mouth. ONce the deed has been done, we did water soaked the snowman with water which we did put into spray bottles to make sure it would turn to ice. Needless to say, I think he didn't go to work the morning after or arrived quite late.
- Another neighbor of the same friend did piss us big time as we were innocent. Long story. SO.... we did get vengeance over him too. Many time during summer at night, we were going to buy a couple of fireworks, kind of good pieces (no, we were surely not allowed to buy such but we looked soooo innocent, who could refuse that to us) and around midnight, secretly, we did use the trails in the wood to sneak behind his house and from there, we went on his lawn and did place the fireworks so it would aim into the direction of his windows and simply lighting them up... only to go hide in the wood and watch for reactions. Peoples don't like it and they quite panicked a bit, especially the day where we went for the final and where a friend of us did steal an artillery simulator from the "reservist" ware house of the Canadian army. for those who don't know, it is the amount of half a stick of dynamite and it replicates the noise and booming effect of a piece of artillery falling. You should have heard that, it even left a hole (not that big but big enoug to realize something went wrong on your lawn and that it is not a mole who did it). That day after the noise and the neighbor getting out in hurry, we thought we went a bit far... but we wanted to repeat the experience on the same lawn but we never got to put our hands on another of those simulators:(
- We also turned off all lights and most electric stuff in our old Cegep because we managed to put our hands on one of the keys from the breaker box. SO we absolutely had to try it. Worked perfectly, 5-10 minutes of almost total black out (generator working still for emergency stuff) but after that they re-established the electricity quite fast but we had these 5-10 minutes of glory and never get caught.
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Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missy
Ouch Missy, what a bitch you are Scotland is my homeland.............that's why I live in Australia.;D
I once took a needle and thread into work and sewed up my managers inside jacket pocket so that he would be f****d when he rushed to the train station late as he always did, he got there and was fumbling for his ticket and missed the train.
Also opened his bag before he went on a business trip and put his shower gel into his socks and jocks.
Had another mate who was off to NY straight from the office in London, stuck a laminate sign on the bottom of his case that said " I am a child molestor"
Bit of a dick really but I did have a laugh and had the same and worse done to me.
Did you break it with a cork opener or did you just go for old fashioned blunt thoracic trauma?Quote:
Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missy
Traditional. I don't think I've seen someone get crushed before.:-\Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamGBDid you break it with a cork opener or did you just go for old fashioned blunt thoracic trauma?Quote:
Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missy
It's not big and it's not clever. But really SCOTLAND? He's either a suicide or in loveless marriage surrounded by rugrats.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Youngblood
When I was like 16 or 17 I was at a friends house with another friend of mine and this guy was there that was an ok guy, not an asshole or anything but he just always annoyed the shit out me for some reason and he would kind of latch on sometimes. Anyway he had come over and for some reason, I honestly can't remember why, he let me and a good friend of mine take his car to go run some errand or something.
Honestly which really makes this all his fault cause who's stupid enough to say here take my car? So we kind of were assholes, we didn't think we were doing anything serious but we did doughnuts in it, got on some back streets and floored it till past 100 (it was a old volvo, not made for this LOL), hotboxed it with a joint, did all kinds of shit.
So we get back to the house, hang out for an hour, the guy whose car it was starts to leave, begins to back out and the car dies.
And never runs again.
His parents were pretty loaded and bought him a nicer car so really in the back of my mind I decided I'd done something good for him. So the next week he shows up again, this time we'd decided to go drink on a golf course late at night. He proceeds to leave his car there and leave us the keys and go with somebody to do something (seriously I'm not making this up, how fucking stupid are you), so we proceed to take it and drive it all over the back nine. Then the cops came and that was my one time ever to run from the cops. I hid under a tree and then when they started coming took off and had to run literally across four holes to make it to the other side of the course.
Meh, that kind of makes me sound like an asshole :-\ We didn't think we were going to mess up the car. I guess the second time was kind of inexcusable.
Ouma, that story was so pansy it's unbelivable. You wrecked a rich kids car? Drove around a golf course?
Hardcore man.
Straight out of Dawson's Creek.
haha, well I did ruin a car, that's something.
If it makes it better it was like a inner city golf course ;D Actually it was, it was like a block from the projects, I played there once (mostly just drinking and driving around) and we drove up to one hole and there was a homeless dude sleeping by the green. Then (and I wasn't there this time, it was just on the news) there was a time where these kids were out there with a gun just walking around shooting at stuff.
They renovated it though now. Its like 40 dollars now but probably more safe.
Other than that I don't have that much. I've only been close to being arrested once really, not this, I don't know what I thought I was running from actually.
;D
The image of a homeless guy sleeping on the green is truly brilliant.
I bet if we were ll honest and actually posted the worst thing we'd actually done this would be a very dark thread indeed. I won't go first.
I did worst things, these ones which I name were funny teenagers histories. I could tell the story where i and some other friends did trap some peoples for an entire day in a local in our high school where they couldn't go drink, pee or go to their classes and exams... that was quite priceless too and they still hate us a bit to this day for what we did though we are officially excused.
Maybe some wouldnt even talk to us again, over to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirkland Laing
I have a funny one , once I got two mates in on a prank we were all young totally shit faced in a tent down the beach and this bloke "Red Beard we called him ,A fresh insane Viet vet actually who took to doing some outrageous paybacks against others we didnt know as well.
Anyway I told him I knew a trick where i could lift three people clean off the ground for a second or so . He bought it, I got him in the centre one mate behind him legs over his shoulders and I occa strapped them to each other same down on his lower end except leg to leg with my other mate, "Now all lean into the centre" was my order and I just pushed the two outer guys heads back and they fell out they stretched out Red Beard on the ground, then I got my extra large can of pre opened backed beans and emptied them slowly all over him. Then I ran and stayed away for a very long time.
Pay backs a bitch, One morning prior to all this occurring for Red Beard; I was stepping into my wetsuit which had been drying on a fence over night and stepped right into a human shit that some prick had dropped in there for me.
Took me a while to find out who and why,anyway we ended up mates after my payback,thank fuk, he was a nutter I didnt want to spend my whole life looking behind me.
This same fellow got picked on by the surf lifesavers later on ,so he burned their weekender and club rooms to the floor.
A mate of mine got the guilts and put him in! I was more shocked by that to tell you the truth anyway he went to the aslyum soon afterwards.
I hope he turned out ok, I had some real funny times with that fruit cake, spent most of our weekends camping surfing and laughing till we cried over some sh!t.
Acid,opiated black hash,mushies and tequila does that for you.
There's one thing that tops my pile but I'm really choosing to forget it and really can't speak of it... Some serious atonement needs to be done one day to make up for that..
But one bad thing I did to a best friend who I had since we were about 8 was that I banged his girlfriend a bunch of times... She was seriously hot for me before they got together while I had a girlfriend, then just as I broke up with my girlfriend, she got with my friend.. But she was hot for me the whole time they were going out.. banged about 5 times then havn't spoke since... They now have a kid and getting married so they worked...
Sometimes you just need to get things out of your system and intend no harm..
Threesome, woke up, shaved a perfect diamond into the back of the head of a girl, down to the skin, dropped her straight at work the next day and didnt say anything.
Decided it was too cold to walk home from town once, decided to row, stole a boat from the docks, rowed home, then sank it, almost drowning my partner in crime in the process.
Not proud of either but still funny ;D
It's like My Name is Earl ;D
Done a handful of stuff, nothing too bad... I used to torture my teachers on a regular basis.
I once swapped the felt ink thing inside the teachers white board marker for a permanant marker... done that trick a few times... it's not to bad except they wrote on one of those posh touch screen ones that cost a few grand... :-/
I used to do shit like getting the whole entire class to clap/cough constantly everytime they tried to speak, or if they walked to the back of the room I'd tell everybody to shuffle their desks along so they couldn't get back to the front...
Managed to empy a whole entire box of dictionarys out of the teachers cuboard and through a 2nd story window with out the teacher noticing, hada nice little suuply chain going on... :D
Jumped out of a window to avoid detention too...
I'm a boring fart now, don't try and do anything that I wouldn't want happening ot myself nowdays so all I've really got in terms of 'worst things' is shit I did at school.
Actually probably the shitty kegs I threw at a resturaunt.... but those fuckers had it coming (I posted the story a while back!)
I was working with a chief cook a few years back who was an insufferable asshole, always giving people a hard time. So this one time we had 500 people to cook for and serve and this guy took off his chefs hat for a moment to go into the fridges so i got a marker and wrote 'I love to suck big black cocks-yum yum' on the one side of it and replaced it back with the writng facing the wall so he couldnt see it. Now i know it wasnt big nor clever, nor was it being racist cos one of the lads suggested the 'black' part, but christ it was funny. He came back in and put on the hat and went straight out to the punters,talking away to them and shit. I had to go to the toilet cubicle to let out my laughter.Has anyone of you ever took a bollocking off a guy with that writing on a hat on his head just inches from your face?
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Originally Posted by Memphis
Drunken night out in london 2 years back at a good 3am in the morning me and a friend came across a destraught asian girl with no shoes outside of a pub balling her eyes out telling us a very drunken story of how her boyfriend and her had had an argument and that she pretty much had no clue where she lived.
Using our best judgement we stuck her up in the nearest hotel in a one bedroom but decided there and then as it was so late and we were both pretty wasted we`d spend the night on a couple of bunkbeds.
We made sure she was well looked after without the slightest hint of perversion making sure she had a shower and under the name "mum" on her mobile rang her up and informed her she was safe and well till the morning.
Anywho......3am and theres this really cute girl in a double bed and me and my snoring mate on the floor literally side by side next to heat the heater. I hear crying and decide to sit next to her and give her a cuddle, after 10minutes of her crying into my shoulder i suddenly realise her hand is on my member and just as she thanks me for helping her out she bulks under the covers and gives me a very sloppy drunken blowjob. I knew at the time it was wrong to let her continue but temptation got the better of me and after dropping a load in her gob we fell to sleep cuddled up.
About 6months later on another drunken excursion with the same friend he blurted out infront of about 12 of our mates at how why i was asleep he jumped up on the bed to comfort the girl....AND GOT A BLOW JOB
What still kills me to this day is that he claims he got his about an hour before mine and me and her had a good kiss and a cuddle after and more disturbingly BEFORE she went to work on me :beatdeadhorse::beatdeadhorse::beatdeadhorse:
maybe she couldnt access the mini-bar? :-X
Quote:
Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missy
ouch.........
Had she of done her equivelant in my case anyway would of been chomping on a very large toblerone bar;D;D;D
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Originally Posted by hattonthehammerQuote:
Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missy
ouch.........
Had she of done her equivelant in my case anyway would of been chomping on a very large toblerone bar;D;D;D
we've all been there, wake up in the night, mouth feels a little dry.....;D
well as long as its not toblerone shaped :-\
Teacher injuring, fish killing motherfuckerQuote:
Originally Posted by Youngblood
Spat into someone's cuppa tea while they did'nt know.It was a person i did'nt like,and while he was drinking it i was like "Yeah you fooking prick,drink my spit!":-X;D
Yeah, done that and licked/spat on/in food.:-XQuote:
Originally Posted by yvonne
I'm less angry these days. :)
I very nearly pin pricked a cheats condom stash but was talked out of it. :-X
I remember a crazy fooked up mate of mine as a kid used to have big dirty shits in golf holes and then used to put the flag back up.I used to laugh my head off when he said,"Mate,would'nt it be great having a big diry shit inside a golf hole!"next minute he's running over to the hole and squating down having a shit:-Xwhile i was just on my back laughing my arse off at him and thinking some poor golfer is going to have to pick out his ball from a hole of shit.Me mate is in prison now after turning onto hard drugs and robbing people,he was a crazy fooker but funny;D
When I was an apprentice electrician at about the age of 18 a big bastard called John McGee (or Mad Dog as he was known) threatened to wrap a cable around my neck and drag me around the site we was working on, he fucking meant it too, he was not one to mess with, he also bullied a lot of the other lads on the site including the managers. The fucker was easily 20+ stone and built like a truck and even as a young hot-head never fancied coming to blows with the guy.
So, for the following three months I made sure I was in the office at 09:45 just before tea break filling out the test results sheet results of the installs me and my sparky pal had just installed. This little office was at the back of the canteen where I had seen John pop on his kettle and leave 2 cups with teabags in on the side for him and his labouring mate Don.
I went to the chemist every morning during these three months and bought a laxative in pill form called Dulcolax or something which was the strongest they could supply without a prescription. I would nip the yellow shell off with my snips in the storeroom of all 10 pills and mash the white tablet within into powder which I would then proceed to put under his teabag which he left daily in the same place when he put the kettle on.
Now, to cut a long story short I managed this about 2-3 days of the week giving him an entire box of 10 each time and it did fuck him up pretty bad, he was at the doctors a lot and almost killing his local pub owner for not cleaning his pipes properly and a load of other shit. I managed to get some prescribed laxatives by sweet talking the chemist attendant and they really did fuck him up, he went home ill.
I felt sorry for him a bit but not enough, my mate who I was training with got me something from his wife (who is a midwife) that stopped women in labour shitting themself during pool birth's. So the guy went from shitting blue lights to not shitting at all and he got pretty poorly so I decided I had gotten my revenge on him and left it.
Obviously now I realise I went a bit far and could have killed the cunt but I wanted to teach him a lesson.
Garden hoses down neighbors chimney while he was on vacation about does it,ran overnight.Was earned......directing drunk hillbilly tourists during Mardi Gras at 2 AM that they had to walk through the projects to get to Bourbon street...not a total lie really....went to the bandmembers senior finale celebration tripping balls on blotter and window pane,raided old mans liquor cabinet and fucked their girlfriends damn near in front of them on new sofa,poor kid threatened to club us with trombone and called his girl a 'floozie and whore' hahaha :-X oops
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Originally Posted by Kel
fuking brilliant
serves the c*nt right ;D;D;D