I know this may not have to do with boxing but I need your advice

[Majesty]

I write poetry and I was thinking of doing a CD for fun and I'm a poet but I can write songs but I just want your opinion on one of my poems ok? It's called Angel's Verse(She was unheard) Check it out and let me know what you think or where i should work or anything like that. Any advice would be helpful to me Thanks. Oh and your vids are coming, I've just been really caught up with midterms that I haven't been able to continue on them as fast as I liked. Anyway here's the poem

Angel’s verse

Unheard(keystyle)

The screams went on for hours but she was unheard.
The blood seeped on the floor, but she was unheard
She tried to tell the police, but she was unheard.
She tried to tell her family, but she was unheard
You see when she took her vows.
For better or for worst, I don’t think she thought this.
He could turn any white dress scarlet
And turn a smile into a frown
I guess I never really saw her happy
She used to tell me he beat her worse than her daddy
She talked to me on the phone everyday
I guess when her husband listened, she didn’t know what to say
He grabbed her by the throat over the phone.
I knew she was in trouble so I rushed to her home.
She’s 15 years old, he’s 20.
I guess she was drawn by the color of his Bentley
But I’m running to her house, actually Biking
Tryin to stop him I would hear her screaming and fighting.
I rushed inside and she was bloody again
I tried to stop him there, but in the end he would win.
I guess he forgot she was pregnant he called her a hoar.
Kicked her in the stomach and walked out the front door.
She lost the baby
I guess I couldn’t not see what would happen next
She wanted another baby so she turned to sex
Then he tried to march back into her life.
And she let him back, I wish I knew if her mind was right
That night, the beatings start happening again
But on this night, it was the night the beatings would end.
A 5 story drop off a hotel rail.
Came crashing as death took the life by the nail
And trust me, as I say, this story goes further.
The cops came over soon and arrested her for murder

-Majesty

[TheBESTP4P]

hmmmmmmmmmmm true story?

[BoxingGorilla]

I like. I can see that being read on that Def Poetry show. I'm not sure if that's what it's called but it was a Russell Simmons show. I would change "worst" to "worse."

I write poetry as well. Most of mine rhyme though. I'll post an example. Hopefully it won't earn me a handful of sadclicks.

[TheBESTP4P]

I like. I can see that being read on that Def Poetry show. I'm not sure if that's what it's called but it was a Russell Simmons show. I would change "worst" to "worse."

I write poetry as well. Most of mine rhyme though. I'll post an example. Hopefully it won't earn me a handful of sadclicks.

hmmmmmmmmmmmm i smell a BATTLE coming

[BoxingGorilla]

Life's Defeats

No matter what you do dear,
or how bad you think it seems,
You will always be my sweetness,
for you my heart will always beam.

I love you for your gentle smile,
It's a fact I can't conceal.
Yet above all your many beauties,
It's the way you make me feel.

Mistakes can't change your soul, love,
or blind me to your worth.
I could search this whole world over,
and find no other you on earth.

So remember that you have a friend,
till my poor heart no longer beats.
For you are not the only soul, love,
who has tasted life's defeats.

Paul ******* 06-14-04

[TheBESTP4P]

Life's Defeats

No matter what you do dear,
or how bad you think it seems,
You will always be my sweetness,
for you my heart will always beam.

I love you for your gentle smile,
It's a fact I can't conceal.
Yet above all your many beauties,
It's the way you make me feel.

Mistakes can't change your soul, love,
or blind me to your worth.
I could search this whole world over,
and find no other you on earth.

So remember that you have a friend,
till my poor heart no longer beats.
For you are not the only soul, love,
who has tasted life's defeats.

Paul ******* 06-14-04

[Jimanuel Boogustus]

Atheist on the front line...

For many years I’ve wondered... What is the meaning of life
If i were to live to a hundred... With four kids and one wife
It would not become clear to me... The cause for which we endure strife
I guess its hard to comprehend
How a broken heart can transcend.

Because the pain man has felt through time... Has been inflicted by man and man alone
Forever we ask ourselves how we go beyond... Beyond this restricted hell in which we roam
From believers of polytheistic gods of war, to the Catholic church of Rome
The silver lining that they did once seek... is eroding away as we speak

Speak of duty, speak of love, speak for the divine man above
Play the hand that fits the glove and slay in the name of brotherly love.
Happy days in memory now so sudden and free
As this pain in my heart is killing me
And as my blood is drawn by this holy knife
I’m forever lost in the quest for the meaning of life.

Jimbo G

[X]

There once was a man called X,
Who was always on the lookout for sex.
He went to the shores
and murdered some whores,
and now he's choosing who's next.

[El Gamo]

Maj,that's some deep stuff there man,sounds like it coming from somwehere deep inside of you!!Boxing Gorilla,dude,that is fricking awesome!! Dudes,I would so so so appreciate it if you could write a poem for me to my best friend who is a girl!! I'll CC you for a long long long time!!!! I've tried writing poems before but I think they turn out really cliched,and boring,the same old thing over and over again!

[Majesty]

Maj,that's some deep stuff there man,sounds like it coming from somwehere deep inside of you!!Boxing Gorilla,dude,that is fricking awesome!! Dudes,I would so so so appreciate it if you could write a poem for me to my best friend who is a girl!! I'll CC you for a long long long time!!!! I've tried writing poems before but I think they turn out really cliched,and boring,the same old thing over and over again!

If she's your best friend and it comes from you I'm sure she'll love it no matter how corny, you don't have to try to impress her, she's your best friend so she'll love it either way you put it.

[X]

Maj,that's some deep stuff there man,sounds like it coming from somwehere deep inside of you!!Boxing Gorilla,dude,that is fricking awesome!! Dudes,I would so so so appreciate it if you could write a poem for me to my best friend who is a girl!! I'll CC you for a long long long time!!!! I've tried writing poems before but I think they turn out really cliched,and boring,the same old thing over and over again!

Hello best friend who is a girl
I'd give you a necklace made of pearl.
One day, I'll try my luck
to tempt you into a buddyfuck.

In some places I'm known as El Gamo
I pretend we are just mates
I'd like to give you el rammo,
It's all in the hands of the fates.


I tried that once, but it didn't quite work out for me - maybe you will have more luck?

[X]

Actually, BoxingGorilla - did you really write that?

If you did, it is very good. cc to you.

[BoxingGorilla]

Actually, BoxingGorilla - did you really write that?

If you did, it is very good. cc to you.

Yeah, I wrote it. It's the only thing I do with confidence.

I only write when I am depressed. If try to write somethig when I'm happy and content it feels forced and isn't very good. I've never been able to write a love poem to someone who loved me back...

[BoxingGorilla]

Maj,that's some deep stuff there man,sounds like it coming from somwehere deep inside of you!!Boxing Gorilla,dude,that is fricking awesome!! Dudes,I would so so so appreciate it if you could write a poem for me to my best friend who is a girl!! I'll CC you for a long long long time!!!! I've tried writing poems before but I think they turn out really cliched,and boring,the same old thing over and over again!

It's hard to write one for someone you know, it's close to impossible to write one for a person you have never laid eyes on.

My advice would be to write it a few lines at a time and not necessarily while you are sitting at the computer. Take your time and don't attempt it all in one sitting. Also, don't set out with more than a vague notion of what you want to say to this person. If you set boundaries from the start you will feel pressure to make it fit into this neat little poem.

Often I will write one or two lines first that wind up at the end of the poem and not the beginning. If you want it to rhyme you can brainstorm and write a list of rhyming words that describe the way you feel and then write around them.

If you throw something together and let me look at it I can advice you or change somethings around for you but it's best that the meat and potatoes of it come from your heart, not mine. You won't feel dishonest or sneaky when she reads it and likes it. Besides, she might ask you to write another one. It's a good skill to pratice. Your 1,000th poem will be much better than your 1st

[X]

I came to this country without a passport.
Ever since then I've been hunted and sought.
My little white grains are nothing but waste,
soft and deadly and bitter to taste
But I'm a world of power, and you'll know it too.

I can make a mere schoolboy forget his books,
I can make a world famous beauty neglect her looks,
I can make a good man forsake his wife
Send a greedy man to prison for the rest of his life.
I can make a man forsake his country and flag
Make a girl sell her body for a five-pound bag.

Some think my adventures of joyin' are thrilling
But I'll put a gun in your hand and make you kill'em.
In cellophane bags I've found my way
to heads of state, and to children at play.
I'm financed in China, ran in Japan
I'm respected in Turkey and I'm legal in Siam.
I take my addicts and make them steal, borrow and beg
Then search for a vein in an arm or a leg.
So, be you Italian, Jewish, black or Mex
I make the most virile of men forget their sex.

So now my man, you listen, you'll do your best
To keep up your habit until your arrest.....
Now the police have taken you from under my wing
Do you think they will identify me, I who an King?
Now you must lie in that filthy jail
Where I can't get to you by visit or mail.

So seek one with this comfort: we're gonna cough
Six days of madness, you might throw me off.
Curse me in name, defy me in speech -
But you'd use me right now, were I in your reach.

Throughout your sentence, reserved to your fate.
Fear not young man or woman. I'll be waiting at the gate.

And don't be afraid, don't run - I'm not chaste.
Sure, My name is Heroin, you'll come for a taste
Behold, you're hooked
Your foot's in the stirrup and you're making haste
Mount the steed and ride him well
For the White Horse of Heroin will ride you to Hell.