Any good jokes ????

[Stickgrappler]

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000."

The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home.

The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150?"

The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!"

[El Kabong]

PMS jokes aren't funny. PERIOD.

[Stickgrappler]

I used to think I had a drinking problem, but then I met a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, of all things. But he says he can stop anytime.

[Andre]

I have a sick mind. I just made one up after reading that..
Did you hear about the gay Chinese mechanic?
He wras addicted to crutch fluid.

[IamInuit]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed over. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says: "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

[Andre]

Couple of Aussies out hunting in the bush one goes for crap and gets bit on the ass by a tiger snake, his mate rings the doctor who says you cant put a tornaqay on it,you'll have to suck the poison out or he will surely die. He put the phone down and his mate asked what the Doctor said , "He said you're going to die."

[IamInuit]

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- he knocks him off the bar stool and says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."
So the little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so and when he comes back -- WHACK!!! -- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

[Stickgrappler]

i have a sick mind. I just made one up after reading that..
Did you hear about the gay chinese mechanic?
He wras addicted to crutch fluid.

lol

[Stickgrappler]

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.

One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic: Cost - $29.99
Clinton : Cost - $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton : Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton : Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton : Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton : Monica is forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton : Monica.. Ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing

[roberto duran legend]

My porn star friend recently passed away. As a mark of respect, We had his ashes
scattered over his wifes face.

[Master]

My porn star friend recently passed away. As a mark of respect, We had his ashes
scattered over his wifes face.

Did you play some crap 70's music in the background as you did it?

[roberto duran legend]

The irish SAS have just stormed Dublin zoo. They killed 3 gorillas and have
released all the Ostriches........

[roberto duran legend]

My porn star friend recently passed away. As a mark of respect, We had his ashes
scattered over his wifes face.

Did you play some crap 70's music in the background as you did it?

Haha of course mate

[El Kabong]

The irish SAS have just stormed Dublin zoo. They killed 3 gorillas and have
released all the Ostriches........

.....Okay

[El Kabong]