In my opinion, the appointment of Gavin Williamson as Defence Secretary, following Michael "The Confused One" Fallon’s resignation, has stunned the panties off of Conservative MPs. The promotion of the 44-year-old Chief Whip, who has never held a major departmental post, has prompted scepticism and even fury among Conservative colleagues.

“Gavin is a slimeball who knifed Fallon to get the job himself,” one Tory MP said, but it is more likely to just confirm Williamson’s reputation as the cabinet’s Private Pike, the hapless youth in the sitcom Dad’s Army.

STUPID BOY