I would like some advice. Some serious and some comedic.

[Kev]

Sorry, I'm still stuck on the part where you said that you had a girlfriend.

You actually found a girl that likes you?

This caused me to spit out my tea too.

I'm fucking single, lonely as hell and reduced to peeping on my neighbours through a spy hole in my door for titillation and Booze, not only has a girlfriend, but another girl on the side.

FML.

But at least you're not married, right?

That is true. At the moment I'm at rock bottom, in a hole and can't manage to climb out. But if I do at least I'm free. Being married would be like still being in the hole, but the hole being in my possession and I'm tied to the mortgage payments, so before I can even think of climbing out I you first have to pay off that debt.