Any good jokes ????

[cnote111]

A Jewish Dad and his son were sitting at the dinner table together. The son asks "Dad, can i borrow 40 Dollars?"
The Dad replies "30 Dollars!!!, what the hell you need 20 Dollars for?!?!?!"

[Master]

When Susan’s boyfriend proposed, she says “I love the simple things in life but I do not want one of them for my husband”

[Andre]

[Dia bando]

Just been to Spain, and very reluctantly my wife agreed to take it up the ass, what a relief my suit case
was full , and I still had 6 pouch's of tobacco left.

[Master]

Doctor: "It's bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer's." Patient: "Oh well, it could be worse - at least I don't have cancer."

[Ghost]

Still waiting..

[Andre]

Your turn then Ghost. Best joke you've ever heard.

[Master]

Things You Learn From Watching Porn

Women wear high heels to bed.

Men are never impotent.

When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he fucks her.

Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with spunk.

Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.

Women always orgasm when men do.

A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

All women are noisy fucks.

People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

Those tits are real.

A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum.
If there is two of them they 'high five' each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

Double penetration makes women smile.

Asian men don't exist.

If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

There's a plot.

When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.

Nurses suck patients cocks.

Men always pull out.

When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.

Women never have headaches.

When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to 'suck it'

Assholes are clean.

A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there.

Men don't have to beg.

When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Pigtails = handlebars.

[roberto duran legend]

I saw my Dwarf neighbour at the bus stop today,so i stopped and said
"Jump in i will take you home". " Piss off you prick" he replied.I said "fine
suit yourself." So i zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.

[Master]

WOMENS PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

[Dia bando]

My Wife has told me, I must stop eating my favorite Aldi beef lasagne just in case
I get the trots.