Create the perfect SOUTHPAW!

[p4pking]

I'd take an army ant, make it the size of an elephant, with the speed of a cheetah and the cunning of a fox.

No seriously, I'd go find Ricardo Lopez' pregnant mother in her first trimester, and inject her with a cocktail of growth hormones daily, enough to ensure the child was born with Giantism. At birth, I would send him off to live in an all southpaw monastery with ninjas, and Teddy Atlas as his only parental figure(for the trauma more than the boxing skills, he'd need an edge). He would be whipped and beaten for doing anything right handed, and he would eat A side meth on his oatmeal every morning. Once he hit puberty at 7, I would have all the bones in his hand broken and set back into place with a rare earth alloy that wouldn't set off metal detectors, so he'd be packing hammers that people would mistakenly attribute to his condition. Who beats him? What do you guys think.

[Ron Swanson]

I'd take an army ant, make it the size of an elephant, with the speed of a cheetah and the cunning of a fox.

No seriously, I'd go find Ricardo Lopez' pregnant mother in her first trimester, and inject her with a cocktail of growth hormones daily, enough to ensure the child was born with Giantism. At birth, I would send him off to live in an all southpaw monastery with ninjas, and Teddy Atlas as his only parental figure(for the trauma more than the boxing skills, he'd need an edge). He would be whipped and beaten for doing anything right handed, and he would eat A side meth on his oatmeal every morning. Once he hit puberty at 7, I would have all the bones in his hand broken and set back into place with a rare earth alloy that wouldn't set off metal detectors, so he'd be packing hammers that people would mistakenly attribute to his condition. Who beats him? What do you guys think.

Oatmeal every morning? Too many carbs!!!