the trick now is to do to your wife what the chick did to you.

Exfoliate with the scrub, taking care to massage the hands slowly and firmly. Dead sea salt is full of minerals that can help invigorate the body, it's good for many skin conditions (at least when used in high enough concentrations and usually in a bath). Lemon is an astringent and helps to lighten the skin & counter sun/age spots. Honey is a natural moisturiser and draws water to the skin, it also contains minerals, antibiotics, hydrogen peroxide that kills bugs. The buffer takes the ridges out of your nails.

Wifey is just being a fat heffer. I check out a guys hands, if he's covered in grime with grotty nails he ain't touching me!